Leisure v Devils May 21st

From the diary of Fisty ‘Ray Davies’ Sparkles – penned on Sunday 21st May at 12.13am

“Mouse took us to a club down in ol’ Changning 

After eating lamb and drinking Bundi & Cola

C-O-L-A, Cola

Out of the shadows I was asked for a hug

I asked for a name and in a pale brown voice they said “Fakey”

Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Fakey

Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Fakey

Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy

But when he squeezed me tight he nearly broke my balls

Oh, my Fakey

Fa-Fa-Fa-Fa-Fakey

Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand

How Bambi’s here and he’s stealing my lamb

Oh, my Bambi

Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Bambi

Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Bambi

Well, we drank shit beer and talked all night

Under 520 candle light

Paps picked me up and sat me on his knee

He said, “Dear boy, don’t you miss Misty?”

Well I’m not the world’s most passionate guy

But when I looked in his eyes well I almost fell for Omega

O-O-O-Omega

O-O-O-Omega

I pushed him away

I ordered a beer

Put my head on the bar

And wiped it around

Then I was a glittery sparkly man

Well that’s the way that I want it to stay

And I was so happy to see my President Cracker

Cra-Cra-Cra-Cra-Craker

He came from a conference very late

After pretending to step in for Bob Horrocks

Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Horrocks

Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Horrocks

Well I’d left home just hours before 

And I never seen big blokes before

Rooty smiled and said “come on man

“cricket tomorrow – gotta make a plan”

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man

But I know what I am and I’m glad that I am

A Basher

Ba-Ba-Ba-Basher 

Ba-Ba-Ba-Basher”

From the diary of Decision ‘Lou’ Review ‘Reed’ System – penned on Sunday 21st May at 11.36pm

“Fisty came from Beijing P-E-K

Made his way across the Middle K

Dreamt of getting off the mark

Leisure’s Sensation didn’t have that spark

I said “Hey Fisty, take a walk on the wild side”

Said “Hey Cymbals, take a walk on the wild side”

Lambshank came in from Suzhou

Picked as 12th man, looking for a show

Thank fuck Omega had the shits

Lamby bowled them like the blitz

I said “Hey Lamb, stay away from the wide side”

Said “Hey Shanky, stay away from the wide side”

Papsmear was fielding at cover 

Wanted two slips for the final over

Insisted on opening the batting 

A quick 30 – fuck the captain

I said “Hey Paps, take a walk on the leg side”

Said “Hey Smears, take a walk on the leg side”

Fake News was very late 

Someone said he had to masterbate

Turns out he needed a poo

His bowling was quite shit too

I said “Hey Fakey, take a walk on the wide side”

Said “Hey Fakey, take a walk on the wide side”

Fling came so chilled out

MVP – he worked it out

Rooty got a couple of wickets

A slow 20 – got his train tickets

I said “Hey boys, take a walk on the wide side”

Said “Hey boys, take a walk on the wide side”

Birdy had been practising

That run-up was looking clean

But it never came to fruition

Birdy and hope had a collision

I said “Hey Birdy, take a walk on the wide side”

Said “Hey Birdy, take a walk on the wide side”

Cracker came with intent on the day

Had a barney with the missus before play

Dropped two sitters in the field 

Batting really wasn’t his deal

I said “Hey Cracker, take a walk on the wide side”

Said “Hey Cracker, take a walk on the wide side”

Clam then came to the crease

LBW to the waistline seam

Korean kept well –  faced a ball

Dealt with the last running call

I said “Hey dudes, take a walk on the wide side”

Said “Hey dudes, take a walk on the wide side”

As captain I took the first over

Bowled alright despite my cover

Saved myself for the last run

“Winners are grinners” says my mum

I said “Hey Bashers, take a walk on the wide side”

Said “Hey Bashers, take a walk on the wide side”“