Jacking From Afar – Business vs Pudong March 31, 2024

It was a toasty 8 degrees in the beautiful city of York, UK, when the Bashers began to assemble thousands of miles away for their season opener against certified D-bags Pudong. 

Desperate cries to rally the troops early from Soapy – probably because Traction had to leave early and Pudong were begging to start the fixture so he could play the whole game – resulted in not only not starting the game early, but the discovery that strike bowler Hutch would be MIA because he had kindly donated his passport to an unsuspecting cabbie.

In traditional Basher fashion, Soapy lost the toss and Pudong put themselves into bat against the express opening duo of Juggler and Organic Guru. 

Other than a slurry of three-run wides – Pudong’s eventual top scorer – things were looking positive and the Dongs were in trouble at 25/3 off the first six overs.

Enter Dr. Do Little – aka Paps – and Pudong rallied to 34/3 off 7 overs as the wisened warrior threw away runs like Skiddy does ice.

El Señor Jolly redeemed himself the following over, catching out the defector Traction off what was probably a slow half tracker from Juggler.

Enter Rooty.

After watching Paps go for an astonishing 19 off two overs, the Rooter linked up with fellow Saffa DRS and sought to throw back to Fake News’ Philippines record of circa 44 runs off a 5-ball over.

A charming dot ball began the over, before two consecutive beamers saw Rooty forcibly removed from the bowling crease for dangerous bowling. Compatriot DRS, clearly raging at the decision, followed suit with a dot ball of his own and another beamer directed at the batsman, who in response, smashed him for three off the no ball and two consecutive fours to follow.

Yikes.

Some bang average Basher bowling allowed Pudong to creep up to 142/10 on the last ball of the innings.

Clearly missing their Player of the Year 2019 and 2022, T20 Batter of the Year 2020, and Business Batter of the Year 2021, the Bashers got off to a slow start and never made it look like they had intentions of winning the game.

Sensation stayed true to form – getting a two-ball duck and hiding from WeChat ever since – and only Juggler, who bats as slow as Leppa bowls, DRS, and Soapy showed any resistance to a dull and dreary Pudong bowling attack. And in typical Paps fashion, Dr. Dunce ran himself out for a duck after facing only three balls.

Huge shout out to every Basher not present at the game – who came in as respectable joint ninth-highest scorers alongside Paps and Sensation, and added arguably more value to the playing XI than either of the above.