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Bashers Cricket Club

Leisure vs. Hot Dogs, 3 July 2016

A game of Cricket was played at Wellington last Sunday boys and girls, but something far more important was at hand: it was Truffle’s final game (for now?). Despite a wet, smelly and sticky start at the camel involving a traffic cop cracking the shits and blokes waiting far too long for lattes, we were on road with Truffles leading the charge as Captain.

After some deliciously well laid out bloody marys (G’day Birdshit if you’re reading) we won the toss and Truffles elected to bat and were off to a cracking start. Sir Dick came firing out of the gates to post 53 runs off 28 balls –  well within reach of an all-time Bashers record for a half century? Spanner accompanied this ascent admirably only to be caught for 10 after six balls (he went out bashing managing to smash a six before a premature end). It was at this point Truffles took the field, and what a way to go out: 53 runs and six boundaries. He saw out a bull run backed in varying degrees by Parrot (24) and Tampon (duck), with a third partnership prior to his retirement being as useful as tits on a bull (7 runs off 41 balls) … sorry guys… That being said, Mouse managed to get us over the line in the last four balls to post a healthy 5/175.

We walked on the field realizing that we (Skiddy?) hadn’t packed enough ice in the esky to keep the beers cold – we had to get this wrapped up quick. Probably didn’t help that we had chosen to bat first prior to it getting as hot a jalapenos cooch with an ump that liked calling wides more than life itself. Mouse obliged and took four wickets, backed by The Chancellor with two, Birdshit and Scooby took one a piece. Some steadfast Bashers fielding also saw runouts from Tampon and Spanner paired with catches from Parrot and the Chancellor. Catch of the day had to go to Omega off a high ball that made it all look too easy. The figures only tell half the story. Birdshit managed to turn a cricket ball into a weapon and smashed a poor hot dog’s glasses almost to pieces (amazing what they do with sport glasses frames these days). Accounts differ of the incident, ranging from the bat being at fault to a delayed apology, treading on glasses and kneeing him in the head when he was on the ground. Needless to say, I have never seen consecutive Hotdogs begin to switch bats and put on helmets in such quick succession. It didn’t help their cause: Hotdogs all out for 112 with two balls to go.

After a guard of honor for the victorious captain and some beers to celebrate his champagne last innings we were back on the bus to the Camel. The chat ranged from Hashish from France that is rolled between legs, drinking in the scenic route the bus driver kindly took, through to certain Bashers being of an age where certain (wo)men find them attractive. With Spanner leading the fines session and a frosty keg complements of Truffles and the Camel, the day ended in (messy) style.

To conclude, special thanks to Truffles for leading the team to such a great win. We are truly going to miss you mate, you are a gentleman and a scholar and we sincerely hope you will be heading back to Shanghai soon. All the best in Guernsey and Godspeed!




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