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Bashers Cricket Club

Dream on Pudong. Leisure L’Jack

’twas the day before nothing
In a pub we all know
Real men in blazers
Were ready to go

Who was the next
On the list to be reamed?
Unbeaten champs
The Pudong Dream Team

Latex rolled in
To fanfare and red carpet
Then proceeded to open
An impromptu flea market

The Gods had decreed
A gentle downpour
for the spring season debut
Of the latest Bashers couture

Post Op was the first
To cause any fuss
Complications from surgery
Made him miss the big blue bus

The Pleasure lads joined us
They were glad we were there
For some fashion advise
And help with drinking their beer

Many tunnels later
We arrived at point B
Passed through immigration
To the SRFC

The Mule lead warm ups
Until Cranky forgot
That a week has gone by
Fines master he’s not

Shit Shoes wagged warm ups
But as recompense
He unzipped his box
And warmed up the fence

The Jaguar was chosen
To take the coin toss
But confusion with flowers
Returned us a loss

The Bashers were inserted
As goes the refrain
The last time that happened
The result was much pain

Shit Shoes went one
Obviously picked on form
Puberty his partner
And they were to break with the norm

An opening combo!
Which remained well grounded
Lasting more than a while
The fans were dumbfounded

Mrs Cranky was there
But seemed to miss out
On her husbands retirement
He’s now 100 not out

He was on top of the bowlers
From the very first ball
Intimidation enough
To cause them to fall

Despite his good fortune
He still found reason to bitch
Telling any who’d listen
About the fault line on the pitch

Mouse scored a single
Surely this isn’t Norm
The rest were all fours
Far more true to form

Someone suggested
He could get some more air
Next ball he tried it
Not so smart an idea

Post Op showed up
But it was quite a brief stay
If you ask the ladies
That’s what they all say

It takes more than one woman
To form an attack
It fell to Loose Unit
To give it a crack

So he changed into man’s clothes
And put down his Crown
Strode into the mire
And really went to town

Time to steady the tail
With the departure of Loose
It was left to the Mule
To be our caboose

For a while he went AWOL
But he came good on his pact
To return to the pavilion
With his wicket intact

I was lucky enough
To get a close look
At one of the most beautiful things
In the cricketing book

I stood at square leg
And enjoyed the thrill
Of Woodstock the batsman
The psychedelic windmill

Then the end of the overs
No help from me
Five wickets given
One Sixty Three

What a privilege it was
Having Inky to score
She chose to watch Leisure
Because her husband’s a bore

No rain could deter her
From performing with grace
And it would be remiss not to mention
That cool pencil case

Also a treat
A full time umpire
In order to be neutral
Pusher had to retire

The drizzle kept coming
Not a gap could be seen
Dark clouds filled the heavens
Like a one day sight screen

Loose got the new cherry
The recalcitrant boozer
As we all know
Training’s for losers

Despite medication
He instantly found pace
No wickets in his spells
But was right in their face

Latex played skipper
And got lucky with tactics
Puberty proving
A run prophylactic

The temp captain got under
A bewildering floater
The batsman’s reward
A brand new Toyota

Cranky it was
Who was picking up scalps
Him not being at slip
Certainly helps

Having finally scored
Shit Shoes got loud
Sledging from deep square
Entertaining the crowd

The Jaguar maintained
His form of last year
Resplendent as ever
In red fei yue foot gear

He used the conditions
Stopped everything in sight
Sliding and leaping
Like a tossed midget in flight

Puberty though
Is a changed man this season
A fielder of note
We wonder the reason

Conjuring up
An unlikely run out
From a quick single
Which seemed never in doubt

His partner in crime
At the wicket keeping station
Using mostly one hand
Post Operation

His defense was superb
Precious few got by
Though most of the bowlers
Gave it a pretty good try

As the game came down to it
He stretched his cerebral elastic
Counting down the equation
With much mental gymnastics

The pick of the bowlers
Should be the Mule
Firm line and length
Always the rule

He should count himself unlucky
His success was not bigger
But then most of the Leisure
Have unflattering figures.

He was also mistreated
By an umpire from whom
He might get kinder treatment
If he tidied his room

Woodstock was lucid
Warmed his hands in his pocket
Came off the long run up
Two steps then a rocket

“Honestly sir
You’re surely mistaken
A rip snorter catch
Is all that I’ve taken”

After a sabbatical absence
Mouse returned to the side
but he missed out on the memo
We no longer bowl wides

Birdshit stepped up
Removing his jumper
His leg breaks and off cutters
The same as his bumper

His true deception
Will always prove
Fooling the batsmen
To think it will move

Runs were scored
But wickets were taken
The Bashers were poised
Faith would not be shaken

Pudong tried their best
But that’s comparatively rank
As the Leisure boys deposit
Another win in the bank

The screws were tightened
And I’m thrilled to report
The dream team’s dream ended
Almost thirty runs short

Dags will be happy
On the beach in dick togs
Perfect record intact
Best of all captain’s logs

All that remained
Was to go watch the Pleasure
Take care of business
In fairly short measure

Just ten runs required
When we came along
Bad news was Sinbad
Already with pads on

But after a few hours
And a few trips to the bar
The cricket was done
Bashers two under par

Off to the patio
For some drinks and some rays
It seemed to us now
A much sunnier day

The bus was top heavy
From too much enthusing
Elbows were pointed
Amid civilised boozing

Loose Unit chaired fines
There were many to give
It was challenging though
To be negative

The Bashers rejoiced
And as these things tend
It gets foggy from there
In our Members End

2012 Division Three

Monday 30 April 2012 P W D L F A P
DPR Hot Dogs 3 3 0 0 440 304 12
Bashers Leisure 3 3 0 0 410 363 12
Pudong DT 3 2 0 1 337 283 8
Daredevils CC 3 1 0 2 406 396 4
Pudong D&L 3 1 0 2 273 414 4
Dulwich Knights 5 0 0 5 419 525 0

Well done to the Geishas
For it has to be said
It was a good day
For staying in bed

Well done Pudong
Although you got creamed
You were gents to the end
Hold on to that dream

Well done the Bashers
For winning the day
But mostly for playing
The Bashers way

3rd XI The match as remembered by the Lumberjack

19

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