The Italian Job 2014 – Tour Report

1. The Welcome Drinks
After a few days acclimatizing at Lake Como, Shitshoes and the Spectator rocked up to Fiorenzuola to meet the Jaguar and Massimo at the hotel in the historic pedestrian part of town. Jaguar led the way to the “shittiest pub in town” to get things started.

Out came the Jaguar mascot, and the first drinks of the night ~ a local beer called Dolomiti. It only took a few rounds for the Jaguars to empty the bar’s stock, so we moved onto Gutturnio, a sparkling red, grown in the salty soils of the district.

Then we headed over to a nearby restaurant for some food, and after a lengthy discussion, a seafood pasta was selected. In NZ mussels that small would be under the legal limit, but they certainly were tasty. The white wine helped the general atmosphere, and soon Nocino, a walnut liqueur, was bought out in a shot glass. Shitshoes took the shot, causing instant laughter amongst the Italians. Apparently you’re supposed to sip and appreciate the taste.

Back to the pub and here things turned ugly with several rounds of mojitos. Perhaps in hindsight a mistake, judging from the extended walk back to the hotel, involving numerous collisions with walls and the pavement. Back at the hotel Spectator also took the opportunity of missing the bowl and spreading some of the evenings intake around the floor.

2. The Match Report
The 10am check out time was early, even with church bells tolling outside. Shitshoes alone managed to down some dry crusty bread for breakfast, and Spectator was still struggling badly. The drive up to Lodi was negotiated safely, and the perfect day for cricket was just warming up to a comfortable mid-20s temperature as the Jaguars rocked up to the field of dreams on a farm in Lodi.

The 10 Indians, along with Shitshoes, made an XI (Loose was absent reportedly watching Miss Italia), and after losing the toss, were put into the field in their stylish new black uniform. The local team was carefully selected for that special finesse that makes the Jaguars the finest cricket club in all of Italy. The bowlers put in short 2 over spells and managed regular wickets. However, strange field settings, some Pope-esque boundary fielding, and a few dropped catches, allowed Lodi to get off the hook and post 207/8 off their 30 overs.

After a fine potluck lunch melding foods from the cricketing cultures of the world, washed down with warm beer, the batting from the Jaguars began and finished in an entertaining fashion. There were several cameos, including a 29 from the skipper and two big 6s slapped over long-on by the no. 11. But a string of bowleds, including Shitshoes off an ugly pull shot to a full delivery for a mediocre 11, in the middle order kept the score to 158 all out, with an over remaining.

3. The Aftermath
The Jaguar was a no show for breakfast the next day (still in bed), so Shitshoes and Spectator tried the local spa. The impressive building in the center of town was closed, but the hotel concierge got us into a smaller spa nearby, for a clinical spa experience. The general impression of the medicinal properties of the salty water was positive, as Spectator announced he had then finally recovered from the welcome drinks. And before we knew it, the tour was over.

Organizing a match in Italy takes a lot of hard work, and the Jaguar had spent about 6 months making this game happen, so our thanks to the Jaguar for putting together such a great tour!