Bashers Cricket Club
Pleasurable Report Sunday 6.9 (2009)
It was like poetry really… actually more like theatre, the sky was almost blue, the team’s athletes, were loaded up with carbs, coffee, pies and dumplings. We were on the verge of something special today, sans hangover there was a definite air of anticipation. The date of 6.9 (2009) suggested it was going to be one to remember…
The vibe on Bus was jovial, it was confirmed that the team was over allotted and hoped that the team manger wasn’t an accountant. The tunnel beers and the normal banter began… The mood was dampened somewhat with the mention of club subs, such a serious and important topic, so yes another reminder to all to get these paid up and squared away.
With plenty of time on the clock the new pornstar driver overshot his load and sent us swampward. It was generally assumed that we would all have our kidneys removed and be dumped with the other bodies (wherever we were), but WAIT! …. after hanging the bus over a SARs invested swamp he got us back on track and drove that big rocket of his towards the ground.
The bus arrived, and the scene was set, the side line Chinese/pigmy-height tents were increased to accommodate the six footed athletes, the chilly bin was lined up and pies and burgers were ordered.
Reminiscent of a greenside bunker, it was soon understood that we would be spending more time on the beach than the Hoff and that budgies would of been better suited than the pin striped dress pants some of the team was wearing. The lego wicket was bound to be a talking point for the day, definitely made in China. But as I was once told as a 15 year old “if there is grass on the wicket it’s time to play cricket”, there was so eagerly we went out and had a roll at it in the field.
The game couldn’t have started better, we knew that having a trundle first would be advantageous, all we had to do was put the ball on the stumps and wait for the quadruple bounce. Swahili came to the party with a straight one that swung in and cut away, a Royal Duck! A great result, However the dogs worked out our game plan and with nothing up our sleeves for the other 24.5 overs we struggled to build on the good start.
The first 6 field catches were lost in the sand, but the team recovered well to take the next 3, as is so often the case, “catches win matches” and with the hot dogs 3rd wicket compiling 90 runs- about the winning margin, it was going to be a challenge to chase. Things needed a lift so “hammertime” was called and the Oamaru born Nanjing based Hammer was introduced to spin up a storm which resulted in a threefor. Special mention to Birdshit who set a field he was happy with and rotated the bowlers efficiently.
It was time to let the willow do the talking, and it needed to start at the top. The 135 set was very achievable, but we would need to put the heads down, get on the front foot and bat out the over’s. Snatch was first to go with a 3 ball duck after middling it to the keeper – not an idea start to the run chase, and so the collapse started. Bugs courageously held up an end with a well compiled 11 of 29, all whilst he watched the destruction unfold. There were 5 ducks in total and the team was out for 37, a difference of 90ish.
However all was not lost Pleasure ended up doing what they do best, drinking and fines. The first chilly bin was emptied in quick fashion, so too was the business chilly bin, and not to outdo themselves a 3rd was filled… and then emptied. No one really knows what happened after this and it’s probably best that it’s not mentioned. As far as I am aware everyone made their way home safely.
Noted fines included
- Bugs top score
- Made in China for jonty roads diving
- Loose for negative attitude and talking too much smack
- Bugs for not sending Swahili back when it was Swahili’s call which resulted in his runout
- Inquisition bat chucker, standing stunned and almost getting run out
- Team fine for not achieving the lowest score
- Long dong Chauffeur service on the way to the game, even though the train station is about a 3 wood away.
- Tank for umpiring decision – Snatch for not hitting the ball, and then one for hitting the ball according to the score book and drinking that he didn’t hit the ball for the previous skull.
- Loose for being a skirt and not drinking until the fine session
- Birdshit for hobo clothing
- Smasher for the bowling delivery that ended up at point
Sledges
Sledge
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Well done Snatch. Some excellent research and analysis. Wonder when the Business report will be released...
Nothing for the Business team to report. We lost, our beer was drunk by our clubmates, our pies were eaten by our clubmates. and I lost the scorecards
May I note what an absolute pleasure it is to be associated with a club that is bowled out for 37, but then manages to drink 3 eskies full of piss. Fark me!
"Loose for negative attitude and talking too much smack": Justified considering the final outcome. "Loose for being a skirt and not drinking until the fine session": completely unacceptable and I should have been thrown against the bus & beaten till my gallbladder popped. Noted for future cases of submissiveness.
what pies?? were they hiding somewhere? and we need to add a fine for parrot...sleeping on the bus on the way to boo. Did you have a nice trip back to the game?
37 runs??? seriously? Better see everyone at training on Thursday night putting their hand up for some batting practice. Not that I think I would have been any help with the bat if I was there, but fuck me. Good job Swarls and Ham Time on the Bowling. Fuck 37 runs.
37 runs.... Fuck
Top spot of reporting . There were no sponsored pies !! we bought them like good little SRFC patrons , as well as more San Migs, Margharitas, More San Migs and all the water too .
Fine reporting there!! 37 runs was an utter balls up, Look forwward to getting back out to sand pit and steaming in with spirt and freedom from the shanty town end!!