Match Report: Bashers Pleasure v K2

As the clock struck 7AM on a balmy October’s morn, a handful of battle wearied Bashers soldiers converged on the Big Bamboo bound for SRFC headquarters in WaiGaoQiao, our enemy this week = K2. Made In was the first casualty claiming [incorrectly as it was later pointed out] that he was incapable of pulling up after Swahili’s B’day bash, and was thus pulling a dodgy one. Pussy. So much for your 50 n.o. out predication and 5 wickets. 2^nd no-show and hardly surprising was Circus, always happy playing the role of the clown, but obviously not at 7:00 AM on a Sunday morning. Lightweight. Swahili was also MIA [I’ve got a feeling his b’day party the night before was more a gay orgy than actual party], but he managed to rock up a little latter so he redeemed himself somewhat!

So, with the bus loaded chock-full of eskies full of amber, the Bashers headed East Side, full of anticipation and alcohol from the night before. The bus ride was uneventful in its entirety, apart from everyone taking the piss out of Made-In’s non appearance & abusing Circus. Pair of cats!

Arriving at the “Bashers Beach”, The Jaguar managed to upset SRFC Management by offering the masses performance enhancing Italian Coffee by “Espresso Nation” [sponsored advert], with Stat’s, Hammer and T-Bag [the 1 Game a Season Veteran] being privately chauffeured and making a rock & roll entrance much to the dismay of the K2 unwashed.

Toss won or loss, no one remembers but Captain “Tank” America led us through 30 seconds of catching practice and then decided to turf it as it was pretty dismal, thanks to T-Bag who couldn’t catch a cold in the Artic. Opening the bowling in tandem, Bugs & Hammer put the screws on the useless openers, one appropriately named “Morse Code” as there was more dots than a SOS distress signal. Sir Looseness was introduced and, unsurprisingly, made a direct impact and found himself on a hat-trick. He was robbed of the hat-trick and we shall blame the umpire, “Fat Elvis”. He was one angry man! T-Bag & Stat’s bowled well and looked good, with the lego pitch helping clamp down the runs.

Desmond “I’ve got 5 nicknames to choose from” Long Dong tightened the screws and picked up a few cracking wickets, and the K2 derro’s were bugger all at drinks. Love the moustache too Dessy! After drinks with Anti-Basher #2 “Zeb” at the crease with “Morse Code”, things went decidedly quiet and quite frankly, boring. Typical. Great chirp behind the stumps by Swoop mentally disintegrated Anti-Basher #2 and he fell to Bugs. Meanwhile, T-Bag dropped 2 sitters and then found himself batting at Number 10. Moral of the Story “don’t drop a catch off the Skippers bowling”. K2 finished up on 116 off 25 overs, a very gettable total. “Morse Code” scored 50 runs of 25 overs, well done toolbag!

This is getting pretty long winded so lets wrap it up: Bugs went quickly, The Pusher got stung by a nasty, vicious ball and was, in a show of unsportsmanlike behaviour, stumped by everyone’s least favourite wicketkeeper. Swoop then fell for bugger all, Loose came and went. Etc, Etc… Tank looked good with a big 4 but soon went. The Bashers were 5 for bugger all.

In came Hammertime and steadied the innings. A masterful innings of 23 steadied the ship and hope floated. Second highest score of his career. Dessy “Long Dong/Peg Leg/Flavour-Saver/Desmond Has A Barrel in The Market Place” De Silva then batted with the easy of a seasoned veteran to 15 runs. In came the Jaguar and much to everyone’s surprise [least his own], Jaguar outscored half the team and managed 5 runs. T-Bag came in @ 10 and didn’t do much [like in the field] but look good for his short stint. Swahili was jibbering incoherently at the crease and no one knew if he was speaking English or Chinese.

Needing 30 runs off the last over and for the 2^nd time this season, Stat’s was in and looked confident in achieving the VERY GETABLE TOTAL. I mean 5x 6’s can’t be too hard. Anyway, for the 2^nd time this season Stats stuffed everything up and we lost. Well done!

We lost the battle but won the war. The K2 turds scarpered like the scared puppy dogs as the Bashers Pleasure proceeded to make a dint in the beer supplies of the SRFC & The Big Bamboo. With the fines/debriefing session in full swing at The Boo, Circus decided to show. You could have been mistaken for thinking he was auditioning for Puppetry of the Penis; needless to say it was a novel way to open a VB.

With much sambucca, jagermeister, an arm wrestling competition and a cameo appearance by Mr Bojangles, the Bashers ended their 2009 campaign with not too many wins, but a crapload of good memories. If we can remember them.

See you at The Cricket 6’s on the weekend.

Stay Loose

LXXXVII