First of all, can we all wish Dulwich a happy extended holiday, love those guys.
The Bashers on the other hand enjoy any opportunity for a game of cricket in perfect conditions. So the Club Captain wrangled a couple of 10-a-side teams using a mano a mano formula. Teams were decided by Hirsuitiness with the Neanderthals playing for the 31Jiu Leg Openers and the Virile baldies playing for the Cages Shots.
Fake News was adamant that he was hairy enough to make the shaggy side but he didn’t stand a chance against the Prince Charming Locks of Hardon.
Hardon opened the batting and showed some spectacular form despite missing out on bus beers. His confidence was exemplified by the placement of a tinnie of his team’s sponsor’s product in front of middle stump. Hardon was eventually taken out by Focus though. Fakey picked up the minor but fully follicled scalp of Birdshit and only bowled 4 wides.
In the return Innings Hardon bowled just 3 wides and crucially picked up the wicket of his nemesis Fake News who was going at a run a ball.
Hardon graciously invited both squads and their eskys back to his pad for an after match but logistics didn’t allow and his contribution to fines was limited to some Shakespearean internet bants. Fake News almost made the bus, at least his bag did.
Result: Narrow points victory to Hardon. Besides how could we pick Fake News over the 2018 Lumberjack of the Year winner?
An easier call to make in terms of head fur. Close on the pitch though.
Extra points for Nuts for his pajama pants, points off for Pope for missing the bus home.
Pope showed versatility by keeping and bowling (not at the same time)
Nuts showed commitment by protecting his castle with his crown jewels. After this incident he was only able to run in the fashion of Chris Gayle.
Both players equal top scored with 7 wides.
Nuts took a couple of glorious catches.
Result: Nuts gets the win here on account of one of his two wickets being that of Pope.
This was a real mystery matchup. On the field it started with a completely inept batting innings from Birdshit, finding the bounce of the pitch too much to handle after training in Nanjing. The only highlight being preventing Fake News from getting a maiden. Clam looked more comfortable but thanks to incompetent scorers didn’t get much better figures.In the field Clam took a catch to remove the top scorer and bowled with High Score economy but no wickets. Birdy was less economical but took out an opening bat and was eyeing up the day’s top scorer, Sensei, as a future bunny. This match up was just too close to call and continued long into the night as these two were last to leave the clubhouse after copious buckets and ABFs.
One of the easier calls to make on the hair front.
Swiper faced more balls than anyone else on his side for his 26 before being caught. Korean also failing to play one along the ground for a little less. Only Swiper bowled, without success. Both Bashers spent time behind the stumps with Swiper taking a catch and Korean a spectacular stumping.
Bambi got a controversial decision on the density of his locks and on the back of this assumed the captaincy.
He basically went on to disgrace himself for the rest of the day.
He dressed like a fourth choice Julio Iglesias Impersonator filling in for the guy who usually does David Hasselhoff.
He tried to change the rules and extend the innings because he was in at bat at the time and wanted more him time. He sledged with the wit of Davey Dum Dum. He attacked the umpire with embarrassing regularity and entitlement. This white privilege needed a red card.
He didn’t drink half his fines.
Sensation top scored, took a wicket and behaved acceptably.
Fruitbox turned up an hour after start of play, fielded for an over then came off for drinks.
He still gets the points here though as Tango pulled a Dulwich and didn’t show. Didn’t even make excuses.
Result: Fruity by default
Revelations was devastated when his combover was discovered.
Lambshank scored more than Revs but Revs took more wickets (one).
They both took catches.
Result: This one is a tie.
Warcy turned up at 10:10am for an 8:30am start.
Because of this anomaly they both ended up bowling for the same side. They both bowled very well too.
However, because Hindenburg was early enough to get in and not out with the bat (batting with Bambi and not succumbing to the temptation to head butt him) he gets the points.
Cracker was sure he’d be on the baldy side. Then he met Focus.
Cracker took that moral boost and top scored for his side. Focus did not.
Focus did take a wicket though.
Result: Cracker by a whisker for the quote of the day: “Are we drinking before the match?”
The selection process was a low scoring but straight forward affair.
In the break the revelation was made that Juggler cannot Juggle. Neither can Paps now after picking up a black thumb.
The first innings was uneventful for both players with Paps not doing any damage with the ball and Juggler not batting.
After the change Juggler attempted to continue his non-involvement with loping strides almost in the direction of the ball. It was all part of his cunning circus performance. After being forced into action he had Korean caught and then wrapped up the days play with a surprise runout of his nemesis for the day. The bookies would have given you spectacular odds on that only moments before.
Result: The sleeping deviousness of Juggler takes it.
Starting the day injured Omega did not get a good start against his inanimate rival.
Later on, despite being kept long offs length he eventually started to claw his way back into the contest with regular deliveries of cold Coopers from each new incoming batsman.
After attempting to organize a liquid picnic under the trees he finished up leading street fines beside a non-existent bus and then onward to the clubhouse where the matchup dwindled on to a long, hard fought but retrospectively inevitable draw.