Sun. July 16 – Pleasure vs Hangzhou CC Lumberjack

Young enough to have seen the Inbetweeners movie? The scene where they arrive in Malia pretty much sums up the blazing hot Sunday afternoon which saw a formidable Pleasure side take on undefeated league debutants Hangzhou CC. Neatly quartered pies allowed for mess-free scoffing while a handful of Bashers made an appointment with Dr. Tim to beat the heat. Big thanks to Birdy, who joined to provide live scoring and sup the good stuff, and Snorlax, Tucker’s boyfriend from back home who came along to sleep while we played.

The captain with the worst ever Bashers season to date (pending Cassius this year) used the bus ride to take back a solemn promise made the day prior: to field first in the unlikely event he won the toss. He later supped a fine for practising, yes, practising, calling the toss, which somehow paid off as he sent the Bashers to the crease.

Korean and Omega opened the innings, with the Hanguoren knocking a single to give the Swiss-Aussie watchmaker the strike just a few balls in — he managed a mere two minutes at the crease. Ai yo. He was replaced by S. Jolly (not the one who hit a ton) who was apparently a bowler today, one run for him. Things were looking grim with the score at a shambolic 5-2.

Up steps Tucker to the crease, who since splurging on a new bat pre-season had mustered a total of 14 runs and two (three?) ducks to date. He finally decided enough was enough, and after clearing out two tubs of Polyfilla to cover the hole in his bat, punched the ball about to double the his cumulative total and grab the second highest Basher score of the day. Despite kicking about for over 20 minutes and facing 18 balls, Korean fell foul to a shocking caught-behind decision and left the crease for a mere three.

Enter Tango and Fluffer, the dream team that knocked off the winning runs a week earlier. Some lavish hitting took Tango to a solid 28 before he was dismissed LBW off the bat, with the umpire putting his error down to restricted vision caused by Tango’s ridiculously bright orange footwear, tough luck pal. A few sharp boundaries from Fluffer (who departed after snicking a fine inside edge to the keeper) and some sketchy batwork by Bambi gave them 12 a piece, despite horrendous communication from the latter in all of his four partnerships.

“You both speak English, right?” Paps chirps to the 2016 and 2017 club captains from square leg shortly after Rooty comes to the crease. “Why can’t you understand each other?”

Keen to shut up the only person to sledge in the first innings, Rooty called a deafening ‘YES!’ for the next ‘run’ – which went straight to gully and then the keeper’s hands to dislodge the bails, with Rooty nowhere to be seen. Shit squared. Shit cubed. Shit to the power of ten.

Somehow, the rest of the batsmen managed to collapse almost as emphatically as the upper order.

99 all out.

“It’s alright, we’re a bowling side,” Bambi pipes up optimistically during the mid-innings break. His teammates and scorer scoffed.

Five minutes later, Warcry (2-22 off 4) opens out the innings with two wides.

“Maybe not,” the club skipper utters under his breath, just moments before the Chinese paceman takes down the batsman’s middle stump. One down! Warcry sends the next ball flying off the side of the pitch before finishing up the over with five consecutive dot balls. Bridget (4-34 off 6) backed him up with some tidy bowling but saw edges flying all over the pitch to go for a few more runs than anticipated. He soon got tonked for two massive sixes before Rooty, who already had one catch to his name, shared the wealth by switching himself in the field with Bambi, who promptly took a whirling one-handed catch at mid-wicket to dispatch the Hangzhou big hitter. Despite picking up four wickets in his first four overs, Bridget failed to capitalize on his remaining 12 balls and finished just shy of a 5-fer, with a few narrow LBW calls keeping him off the honours board.

Rooty (1-4 off 2) and Fluffer (1-4 off 4) bowled tight, with the latter living up to his name. He also managed to fall arse over tit while bowling a bouncer that tested Korean’s vertical reach, injuring himself in the process and coming out of the attack one ball later  (he or Skiddy may for some reason try to tell you otherwise, but it is written quite plainly on the scorecard – and I saw it with my own eyes). Not-a-batsman-today Paps (2-8 off 3.3 overs) showed us you really, really don’t need a run-up — after tiring from his two-step action he bowled from a standstill to clean up the Hangzhou tail, or maybe upper order. The shocking batting (or fantastic bowling?) made it hard to tell if they’d gotten cocky and batted in reverse order – doesn’t matter anyway does it.

The league leaders fell to 72 all out against what can only be described as a magnificent bowling and fielding display, apart from the not-so-Bashery ZERO dropped catches.