After winning the toss, Long Dong made the contentious decision of sending K2 in to bat and the even more questionable decision of placing American debutant ‘Prancer’ at cover when the poor Yank had never so much as stepped on a cricket field.
Poppy and Birdshit opened Pleasure’s bowling attack on a comparatively mild morning by Shanghai standards, with the Pudong Doctor blowing a feral odour of rotting landfill across the SRFC like an invisible mist. It was largely a thankless task with K2’s putting on an opening stand of 70 from 11 overs. Prancer was in the thick of the action leaping around the covers with a gait not unlike a dressage horse, hence the nickname.
Swoop got the break through, when an inside edge onto the stumps saw the end of a K2 opener for 29. He soon followed this up with another wicket when their number three spooned a catch straight into the safe hands of Poppy at mid off.
From 2/92, K2 piled on the runs with fortune smiling upon them as a series of lofted drives fell perilously close to Pleasure’s outfielders. Birdshit was finally rewarded for his efforts, bowling K2’s number four for 42 in the 25th over. From 3/190 K2 continued on their merry way to reach 229 with their remaining opener unbeaten on 107.
Swoop finished with a 2/43 from six overs while Birdshit picked up 1/45 from his seven.
With Hollywood and Shitshoes opening Pleasure’s account, 230 appeared imminently gettable. Hollywood continued to mine a rich vein of form, carving up the K2 attack with flawless footwork and immaculate stroke play. Shitshoes provided a great foil for Hollywood while enduring the ignominy of being run off his feet, almost being lapped between the wickets, by a man around two decades his senior.
Shitshoes fell for in the 8th over for 15 with Pleasure at 1/58. Genghis soon followed for 3 after a 19 run partnership with Hollywood whose departure, caught and bowled for 52, left Pleasure at 3/80 from from 12 overs. A spectacular batting collapse saw Pleasure lose their remaining wickets for 38 runs in, to quote Shitshoes, “As much time as it takes to eat a steak sandwich.” All out for 118.
Pleasure has a golden opportunity for redemption when they face K2 for a rematch this weekend.
Special mentions go to professional degenerate Genghis for entertaining all within earshot with his tales of debauchery, the injured Tank for producing a score sheet that actually adds up and Korean for overseeing proceedings in statesman like fashion.