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Bashers Cricket Club

IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO!

It’s good to have the pies, ice, esky and beers as we get onto the bus, and bad to not have 11 players for the game. But, as Skiddy had used only his hands to count the players for the game, we only had 10. After consulting with legal counsel, Skiddy called in “Aaron” (as named on the scorecard) to make an 11. Thanks to “Aaron” for accepting the late call up and arriving by the second over…let’s just presume he was sitting kitted-up at Century Ave Metro, just in-case the call came in.

 

I’m not sure what Leisure were complaining about, our bus had undercarriage space, air con and plenty of space for everyone to stretch out and have a sleep if they wanted…which is what must have happened because I can’t recall a single word being said…not even from Bambi. Good focus Pleasure!

 

The plan was to win the toss and from there and…….doesn’t matter, we lost the toss and were sent into field.

 

Aaron (3-0-32-1), the one who actually played, opened the bowling with some shit-scary stuff that though expensive, did yield the opener Lobo who was Lobowled (giggety) out. Bashers on their way!

 

Swoop (6-0-20-2), fresh from the Hawks’ blazing Friday night success, got away with a few wild ones before he found the swing, the edge and Skiddy’s safe, “I’m not dropping this kebab!” hands for the first wicket.

 

Tucker (4-1-20-0) replaced Aaron and hit the spot immediately, literally bowling too good to take a wicket. His first spell very sharp with sharper fielding and racial vilification to follow. That stuff cuts deep, Tucker!

 

The captain then decided to use his captaincy’s trump card…delegation…asking Swoop if he’d like to bowl out, but by choosing not, Swoop brilliantly left one over of doubt in the batsmen’s mind showing uncanny tactical nous as it allowed Shit Shoes to (slowly) make his way to the clubhouse end.

 

With stuff that occasionally went higher than it did further, Shit Shoes (6-0-31-4) bamboozled the batsmen into a two-wicket first over which had the Pleasure in line for their first hat-trick of the day, a solid delivery that drew a shot but no hat-trick. Bowling out his six (with a drinks break in the middle, pussy) with another two wickets, it was a good bowling performance for which we’d all like to thank Nuts (1-0-12-0) for misjudging a catch that would have sent Shitty to the honours board with a 5-for. Kudos!

 

Skiddy (4-0-18-3), who normally needs delegation to bring himself on, did so, and like a pale, Kiwi architect found himself also on a hat-trick. An LBW (one of four for the day, thanks D-Wayne); a great catch by Tucker who managed to pause from racially abusing his teammates to scream in from the boundary; and then was duly smashed for four.

 

Sensing a little lull in our aggression, the Dynamite’s square leg umpire decided to light the fuse and go full-retard on us by calling a beautifully taken stumping by debutante Glamour, “not out”. The batsman would have walked if he wasn’t already lying flat on the wicket still two yards short of his crease. So, with Bambi going nuts, Swoop catching him in a lie and Tucker probably racially vilifying him from the boundary, Pleasure were back and focused.

 

Adding to some great bowling, some great fielding by Juice (who stopped a blinder), “Aaron” (who dropped a blinder), Tucker (who should be colour blind) and Skiddy (who just had his eyes closed) with a great, low, and very round caught and bowled, Pleasure were left chasing 134 to win.

 

Skiddy finally finished finalizing his opening partnership and it was Swoop and Shit-Shoes left to listen to Skiddy’s “Get your eye in, stay in until at least drinks!” pep-talk.

 

Shit Shoes (10 (20)) chose to interpret his captain’s words of wisdom (“Get your eye in!”) in his own unique way. Face the first ball by standing four yards out of your crease and then also charge a few more. It worked, bat on ball, and he only had to run 11 yards to complete the single.

 

Whereas Swoop (7 (10)) chose to ignore his captain’s instructions entirely (“Stay in until at least drinks!”) and didn’t do much except for brilliantly using his leg to stop a ball from hitting the stumps showing again uncanny tactical nous as it allowed Tango to (slowly) make his way to the crease.

 

At this point, the Dynamite bowlers should have had the butter ready to smear around their buttholes because they were about to cop it, Last Tango in Paris style. Tango (93* (63)) smashed 17 fours. Thanks again to Nuts (13* (33)) for keeping another Basher off the honours board, with Tango needing to get 17 of the 20 remaining runs required to hit a century, Nuts found it the appropriate time to hit his only four of the innings. Kudos!

 

With the winning runs made in style in the 21st over, there was plenty of time for fines, mainly positive, mainly to Tango & Shit Shoes. Great win Pleasure! Who we lubing up for next week?

 

2nd XI The match as remembered by the Lumberjack

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