Round two: Business vs K2 match report

Heading into today’s match-up, K2 were the undefeated league leaders in the Santa Fe Premiership. The Bashers Business season, which had started with such promise, had hit a speed wobble having dropped their last two encounters. The Bashers were up for the challenge, but they would have to make do without the service of three of their key players. Their hippy haired singer was unable to front, behind the stumps, their top run scorer and skipper was too busy bad mouthing his teams batting ability out in the English Countryside. And their opening paceman the Cranky Walrus, had the shits.

Enter Stage right Club Stalwarts Inquisition, Woodstock, and Loosington.

Given the mercury was nearing 40, the sun was going to play a big part in the match. Sheyan thankfully won the toss and put them into field. We were not quite sure of the strategy. I think the idea was that after 3 hours in the stinky hot sun, its safe to say the oppositions changing room would be nigh unsurviveable. The incoming batsmen would all have to remain conscious in order to make it out to the middle.

We knew we would have to put a pretty big total on the board to stay competitive. A new look opening pair of Dipso and Filthy were set with the task of keeping them in the field for as long as possible. As neither of the two are noted for their explosive scoring this was a batting strategy embedded in demoralisation, And they didn’t disappoint scoring the least amount of runs within the first ten overs than anyone else all season. Dipso was the first to go after his rapid-fire 7 off 36. This brought Omega to the crease for a rapid 0. With the two kiwi’s at the crease things began to take a bit of shape. As Filthy and Sir Dick put on 44 runs. But within the space of two balls they were both back in the pavilion. Oscar came to the crease and we looked set to see more dots than a Bollywood wedding. However, much to our surprise Oscar got on the front foot and took it to them, amassing 34 off 45, as he and Papsmeer (top score of 36) put on a vital 60 runs for the 6th wicket. Thanks to their extras top-scoring with 45 we put up 174 for the loss of 9 souls. But more impressively for the first time this season we made it to the end of 40 overs.

There was an air of optimism that with we could defend this total. After a stirring speech from Sheyan to get things tight and take our catches we were rearing and ready to go. Filthy lent us his support by being dispatched for 6 of the first ball over the mid wicket rope. For the survivors of the last K2 onslaught this was an ominous sign. However, the bowlers were up to the task today of luring the batsman into playing their usual assortment of loose swings. Woodstock was playing a like a man completely not under the influence and was in devastating form. Luckily for us we also had the service of an ‘almost Vanuatu international’. Snatch took six catches by the end of the innings, surpassing Cassius previous recorded 4 catches in an innings. This set the scene for an excellent effort in the field with everyone doing there bit for the greater good. Loosey not being required behind the stumps was starting to feel a bit left out of the game at sweeper. So he decided to inject himself into the game. He ran in from the boundary to offer the umpire some advice, using some slightly persuasive, if not provocative language. This advice was declined in a rather robust manner and the game would fall into disrepute shortly after. Their captain then tried to eject the umpire they couldn’t control. This despite no error actually being made, after he had already been given permission to extend his stay, by the fielding captain. Although he didn’t make much use of it playing even more loose shots and eventually get caught behind anyway.

The previously unmountable K2 was finally being humped into submission. The sporting nature of the game already hung in the balance, when Oscar was verbally assaulted from the sideline trying to take a redemption catch. Filthy took exception to this and proceeded to call a spade a spade. This was truly the straw the broke the camels back and brought a baseball style emptying of the bleachers. But, before things went all Gangs of New York on us, Papsmeer got out the white flag. He helped cool things down, but was then left seething all the way home on the bus with the now infamous ‘come on man you’re one of us’ comment. In this case a spade wasn’t a spade at all – a mistake that would cost them dearly.

The red mist came down for the infuriated Paps who proceeded to castle their only batsman. Which, by today’s definition was the only one who didn’t hit his catches straight to fielders.

This truly was the best all round team performance for the Bashers business team this year. A marvellous effort that shows the character of this years side.

In previous games we forged our way to victory, with bat in hand. But on this day our winners cake was mixed with ‘Lovely Line and Length’, baked on high with ‘catches-win-matches’ and iced with Birdshit’s eleven-v-one.

A big thanks to Birdshit for his support and scoring on the day. Fingers were noted at the fines for the stand-in skipper for not using the 12th man in the scorching heat.