Pleasure Lumberjack: Pleasure v Leopards, Sept 11

On the anniversary of September 11, the Pleasure, pretty much on time at the ridiculous time of 6:37am Sunday morning, met at The Camel ready to tackle the Leopards and get some payback from our Muslim friends.

As it was a must win game for the Pleasure, the bus trip to the ground was spent;

• talking tactics “we’re a better team when we chase”
• bowling approach “keep the wides to a minimum, and take our catches”
• batting strategy “if we bat out the overs, we should be right”
• rumour mill “the circus is back in town”

None of these things would eventually happen, and we pray the last one doesn’t either. Plus, we welcomed our new English school teacher from Kenya via Taiwan, Andy to the team. Basher #183.

So, with a full team and Bugs not having to call up anyone’s “one night stand” this week, (a bit of a shame), we arrived at the ground. Everyone got into their pregame rituals and warm-ups, such as Loose downing his second Pure Blonde before 8am, the Rock being late, and the most interesting and fortuitous being Tank’s circle of the oval moving all the cones back two metres (should have settled for two yards Tank). So, to the field we ventured…

His Looseness opened the bowling from the never to be completed “nets end”. To quote the man himself, “tighter than a nun’s nasty” was what we got as ball after ball there were prods and snicks, whiffs and evasion, confusion and ultimately a wicket and very little scoring from the Leopards. And in partnership from the “smoking chimney stacks” end, Tank, bowling the antithesis of a nun’s nasty, opened his spell in true Basher’s Pleasure style: 4 wides. After he settled, and we got rid of the Leopard’s umpire for a far more neutral adjudicator, Tank did some damage physically with a couple of shorter pitched thunderbolts, one of which found the edge and skied to square leg where the reincarnation of Channa, new-boy Andy apologized before it even hit the ground. Tank tried to inflict some psychological damage as well, but then immediately proceeded to bowl 5 no-balls (off the one delivery), great chirp though!

Out with the young fellows and in with the old farts as the Omega and Bug’s tandem (combined age surely bigger than Bradman’s average), was kicked into action just before drinks. With noises only old people can make, line and length was delivered and soon a few wickets as well, including a screamer by yet another old man (how old is this team anyway?), Pothole. With every sinew at full stretch and the ball still five metres (5 yards Tank) away, Pothole could do nothing but try and hold his shape and hope that the ball would fall into his hand before he fell to the ground, and it did. Unreal!

Swoop came in to the attack and the run rate picked up. With Jekyll and Hyde meat pies being served up, the Leopards were confused enough to cough up one wicket. New-boy, Andy was given one over to show his stuff, and once again he managed to channel Channa (say that five times with Mooncake in ya mouth), and bowl at least two overs worth of deliveries in that one over. Some redemptive (never needed) fielding as he put life and limb, namely his shin, on the line to save some boundaries and overthrows.

Bugs and the Rock came in at the death and kudos to the Rock (for actually showing up) for two great overs, and a sneaky practice ball to begin with. Sly bugger!

In the end, and contrary to the rather negative report, 7 for 190 was easily gettable for a team that likes the chase.

The two newest editions to the “half century” club Pothole and Pitstop opened in typical boring opening batsmen fashion, which was as required. May I mention that Pitstop had a broken wrist…and herpes. After seeing off the opening bowlers, they were both dismissed by far crappier bowlers (chucker) in relative quick succession. The run rate then began to pick up as first Omega and Rock, and then Manoj and Rock piled on the runs. 3 for 137 with 13 overs to go, no sweat!

The Rock and Manoj and Loose then spooned a couple of dollies to their fielders which were taken and celebrated like cackling hyenas.

Then, at 11:52am, with very accurate piloting bowling, Swoop’s tower was hit, and before anyone really knew what was going on, at 12:08pm, the Korean’s tower was hit. We were being terrorized, and it was a Basher’s collapse. We needed an American, and thank God we have one. Tank came to the crease with the weight of the free world on his shoulders, and showed that free world what should have been done with Zeb’s and Bip-chucker’s bowling…block it out.

Bugs and Tank brought the equation down to manageable, needing 14 from 12 deliveries. To ease the pressure, Tank played the most gloriously timed lofted on-drive that would have cleared the boundary if it was 60 centimetres (two feet Tank) closer. Who would have thunk it?

Out came Newboy Andy, welcome to the Bashers. Can you please get 15 or so from the last ten balls? Thanks Mate! He would have to do it from the non-striker’s end as Bugs faced up to the next delivery. I remember where I was September 11, 2001, but because I spent 6 of the next 8 hours drinking Pure Blondies and Jacks with some of the boys, on September 11, 2011, I can’t recall where I was when Bug’s tower fell.

• Sunday 11 September 2011 SRFC Near
  Bashers Pleasure 178/10 (3.18)
  Leopards CC 190/7 (7.9)

All out for 178, 13 short. We gave it a go, and the positives outnumbered the negatives by a lot, but they seem less amusing in a lumberjack report. So ended the cricket, but the day had just begun. Bad luck to those who did not come back on the bus because you missed a beauty. We had a new basher to name.

We couldn’t call him Channa, we have one already (we miss you Channa). So, we had to do a bit of research. Andy is a school teacher who has taught in Kenya. Kenya is in Africa. Aids is from Africa. Wikipedia: both HIV-1 and HIV-2 are believed to have originated in West-Central Africa Kenya and to have jumped species (a process known as zoonosis Monkey Fucking) from non-human primates to humans.

Welcome Andy Crawford, Basher #183 Monkey Fucker!