Match Report Pleasure Maul Dulwich, 20 September 09

It all seemed perfectly normal for a bright sunny Sunday morning; Birdshit slept through the first alarm, Tank was late, Swahili wasn’t sure where he slept. But it wasn’t until the Pusher revealed that he had got in a massive 24 hour kip the day before that it became clear the Pleasure team had been quietly building up its reserves. It’s possible the impending afternoon of complimentary booze at Cuvee was a factor, but still, there was something different.

The Dulwich security guards were the first to feel the sting; tension mounted as a dozen Bashers armed with near empty tunnel beers faced off against a trio of uniforms bearing framed certificates warning us not to trespass. Birdshit’s quick decision to conduct the team’s first ever warm up with a lap around the field defused the crisis, and possibly sowed the seeds of brilliance to follow.

BS then nailed the toss and Pleasure swarmed onto the field. Pleasure Plus, that is, as Philthy Phil’s lady Squeaky Clean was convinced it would be far more meaningful to watch the game from third man…and ‘just throw the ball back if it comes to you.” Woodstock started off with a spray of variable hostility, capturing a snick that found the Scoop’s forehand volley in perfect form. Philthy then launched with an accurate spell of pace that saw Scoop’s outstretched gloves pick off another great one. The Filth had an incentive of course… Squeaky had by now figured that wicket takers should be heartily embraced, and Filth wasn’t going to miss the chance for a quick infield snog.

Birdshit wasn’t going to let Dulwich build any rhythm against the quicks, and it was time for the killers to come on. Besides, the Pusher had been pushing his built up energy reserves to the limit at deep square and was needed for later. Enter Made In and mild-mannered Seppo import, The Tank. What followed was a clinical dissection of the hapless Dulwich. MadeIn’s rippers started coming down with snow on them, completely throwing the batsmen’s timing, but it was Tank on the change that had the crowd gasping. From the start the accurate line and length pressured the opposition, and it wasn’t long before Dulwich would crack.

On the boundaries meanwhile, The Inquisition was taking on the Security Forces with some story about his lady not wanting to take his dog, and with no chance of this stand-off ending, he exiled himself to the Basher’s Autonomous Zone, complete with dog and esky. He was to later remark that he was sure he had come to the wrong place, because he hadn’t seen anything resembling a Basher team.

Back on the field, The Tank started to make good on his threats, and Dulwich never recovered. His first victim popped one up to the Filth at mid-on, but Tank was thinking about the rest of the bowling manual. A touch of extra pace and length secured him an LBW from an umpire who knows his stuff. Next. “Time for middle stump” thinks Tank and away it goes. The Pleasure, throughout all of this, are backing up the bowlers with the most credible display of catching and tight fielding. Swahili wasn’t going to put anything down and swung his biceps into action to trap a catch… after his hands had missed the first chance. Filth got some more quality time with the wife mid-pitch after pulling one down. And Birdshit made it clear that he really did want to catch one. A tight spell from Bugs, a less tight one from the Pusher, some Long Dong line and length and a bit of Swahili venom rounded out the session, so still fresh from drinks, the stunned Pleasure had ended the Dulwich innings at 98. The Tank finishing with a career best 4 for 10 off his 5 overs

Now Bashers have faced and missed low targets before. We all knew that. What we didn’t know was that a pair of canny Scots were about to rewrite both the nation’s sporting history and the Bashers’ form guide… The Pusher and Bugs set out to the middle, and looked like consumate openers from the get go. Humiliating the attack with impeccable defensive shots, fluid cover drives, spanking of loose balls, co-ordinated running… the whole works. The pressure told on the bowlers who lost the plot and piled up sundries at nearly three an over. Conversation in the Pleasure tent took on a whole new tone as each run got us closer to the target, and deeper into uncharted territory. The scoreboard had recorded 74 runs before The Pusher figured it really was time for a beer, and accepted the umpires invitation to leave the field with 20 runs. McPartner Bugs, followed shortly after for 28. The Scoop’s backhand slice didn’t exactly return a result, but Pleasure has batting depth a-plenty, and MadeIn (8) teamed up with Swoop (11) to knock off the rest of the runs. Too easy.

Brilliant Bashers’ team effort and a very tasty win. It’s way more fun scoffing free piss after a solid victory. Great catching and fielding all round, and a batting line-up that performed well up to requirements. Big thanks to all those who umpired and scored and sponsored stuff.