Leisure “25ers” vs Pudong Lumberjack, 3 August

Lumberjack – Div3 – Bashers Leisure “25ers” ‘v’ Pudong Power
Date: 3rd August 2014

Team:

Dags
Spanner
Truffles
Gear
Mouse
Bieber (Basher virgin)
Sharapova
Grilla
Woodstock
Parrot
Scooby

Comeoniwannalayya (Basher virgin)

This was the key game for Bashers Leisure (“BL”) to succeed in. If BL wanted to have a chance at glory in Div 3, this was a must win game. Our opponents were last year’s division winners … but this was totally irrelevant, because as we all know BL is the best team in the world. The lead up to the game was tough for the captain, with a general shortage of availability of players. However a fairly strong looking side formed, dominated by Aussie’s, only leaving a couple of Kiwi’s, one Pom, Sharapova ……. plus a Hawaiian 12th man!

All the team successfully met in the Camel at 7.15am. The anticipation was high … as was the smell of some of the Bashers from the previous night’s festivities. Rumours were circulating that our President was bringing a ‘Grade A cricketer’ (I personally didn’t really know what this meant … but apparently in Aus it has a positive meaning … generally surmising that the Pres was bringing us a ringer !!). Mouse then walked in with is fellow Tasmanian mate, John MacCoy (later christened Bieber), who had been visiting for the weekend. Bieber obviously had not applied the same training/dietary method in Tasmania as our President– he look fit, psyched and was practising off-drives by the pool table. When asked what he can do, the answer came that he was a batsman, but also bowls. He then proceeded to run round the pub, stretching and taking selfies (hence the Bashers name) – everyone felt a bit more confident.

Our other new 12th man Basher also joined us, a guy with an American accent, turns out he came from Hawaii (hence Bashers name), lives in Xiamen … think he had something to do with Parrot. He boarded the bus, not knowing what crickets was … but he had a carton of cigarettes with him … so we welcomed him on board accordingly.
We boarded the bus 30 mins late, due to a delay of the warming of pies. Although pie consumption was very necessary for many of the Bashers (thank you very much Woody) … this did provide a delay our pre-match warm up session and necessary preparations for the game. We drove late into SRFC (or whatever it is called) and Pudong were already looking well grouped with catching practise under way.

Our skipper, Dags, won the toss (a great victory) and put us into the field (starting 30 mins late) – history this season has shown that BL have chased better. Everyone seemed confident, the chirp was vocal and looking round the pitch there was a copious amount of bowlers. Grilla was handed the ball to start the day, as he came down to bowl the first ball, he tripped on delivery and proceeded to fall on his arse. He got up, then spent the next few minutes very graphically rubbing his backside…. which I presumed was trying to put the batsmen off their concentration. The next ball was edged to the feet of first slip, whereupon Mouse put it down …. Grilla’s plan had backfired as his fellow fielders were also trying to mentally recover from having to watch his arse rubbing.

The bowling was generally good (in comparison to other recent BL teams) …… the performances (good and bad) are summarised here:

Grilla – generally bowled well … didn’t get a wicket, but deserved one. Conceded 29 runs off 5 overs
Dags – took the second over … conceded 14 runs … then took himself off again
Woody – bowled 2 overs and conceded 14 runs. He got a crucial opening wicket, caught behind by the Gear (who couldn’t quite believe that it stayed in the webbing of his glove).
Scooby – bowled well, conceded 21 runs off 5 overs. Should have got a wicket … but kept the runs under control
Parrot – bowled 3 overs, conceding 33 runs. Successfully gaining the important wicket of their 3rd batsman … another catch from the Gear behind the stumps.
Bieber – after drinks the skipper called up our new ‘Grade A’ cricketer … immediate impact occurred. He took 4 very athletic steps and the ball zipped through with accuracy and length … the batsmen were worried. Pudong were questioning our selection process. Bieber gained a 3fer, for 19 runs, off his 5 overs. I’m sure we were all thinking to ourselves … ‘this guy’s not really a bowler, I can’t wait to see what he can do with a bat !!!’
Spanner – bowled one over … got his first Bashers wicket!!
Mouse – first bowl of the year- 2 overs, conceded 28 runs and regrettably the first (of two) sixes of the day occurred.
Sharapova – was invited by the skipper to take the last over of the inning – sadly conceded 16 runs. She was later heard commenting: “What is this captain thinking putting me on to bowl the last over, when I wasn’t warmed up – terrible decision”. There may be a point in this … but in the interest of having a lovely day and confident in the performance of the previous 19 overs; Dags obviously wanted to see Sharapova’s in-swinging deliveries.

So after concluding 25 overs, BL’s target was set for 180. (BL conceded 44 extras (36 wides), which I believe is an improvement of prior matches – but extras is BL’s usual downfall and the demise of many games. We dropped catches, 7 in total (I think), a few from Comeoniwannalayya who came on as a rolling sub. We generally felt we bowled/fielded fairly well.

Our minds now turned to the bat. We felt strong ….. on paper, we batted all the way down …. plus we had our ringer!

Skipper placed the Tassie pair into bat – they looked confident going out to bat. Bieber opened. He left his first delivery, Truffles announcing in the ‘pavilion’ that “he leaves a cricket ball like proper batsman”, he then proceeded to leave a few more beautifully. Then the last ball of the first over came down and he gracefully edged to slip and was taken by some solid hands. Bye Bye Bieber !!! In walked Spanner, with Mouse facing the second over. Mouse saw a couple of balls so well that he took a mighty swing at the third, must have been a hole in the bat, as the ball hit those 3 sticks behind. The score was 2 for 3 (couple of extras helped us).

Truffles wandered out to join Spanner. Truffles got a couple, then led one through gully area towards 3rd man … Spanner dithered on the calling …. confusion ensued and the fielder achieved a direct hit ending Spanners day.

In walks Scooby. Truffles, still feeling confident, stupidly thought his bat was a nine iron, swung it at a straight ball and missed accordingly. In came Parrot, he faced a couple and then he also missed a straight ball. In trotted the Gear – his first ball went off his pad then off his bat and then made the bails tumbled to the ground. The score is 8 runs for 6 wickets.

In walks Sharapova – a recent savior to a BL innings. Sadly she missed her second ball, hit her pads and a roar went up from Pudong. The umpire (Truffles) struggled to find every reason not to give it LBW, but was plumb. In walks Dags to the Hiroshima of an innings and join Scooby. The pair gallantly faced some balls together, until Scooby plays a high cut shot forward of point, and was caught by a Pudong fielder very skillfully with one hand. The score is now 18 for 8 (I think the Aussies quote this the other way round … but it is correct …however you look at it)

Grilla joins the fray and leaves a few balls (…. in a very different way that Bieber leaves a ball). Dags, who was leading by example (in comparison to most of his colleagues), then also missed a straight ball. Woody then comes out to bat and played a few long strided block shots. Grilla scored some runs … then the last wicket of day came as Woody succumbed to the same problem as many of his BL team mates and gets bowled.

All out for 25 runs, 12 overs bowled, no boundaries and 6 ducks. Top scorer was extras with 12 (nearly 50% of the runs). Not good and no excuses (to say the very least).

As we are Bashers, cricketers and ambassadors of the ‘spirit of the game’ we gracefully thanked the opposition for the game and congratulated their excellent bowling and fielding. However BL will need to learn from this – a great team learns from their mistakes and comes back stronger than before (….. starting with remembering not to miss straight balls !!!)

As we wandered, embarrassed, past Bashers Business and towards the bar … we had all fully resigned ourselves that this fine session was going to be heavy. The Bashers virgins were duly anointed and named. The President was appointed fines master ….. a man not shy of taking and receiving heavy post game punishment. 28 jugs were purchased & consumed, two whips had to be done and two smoking/bathroom breaks were required. Dags was drinking for Sharapova, so had an interesting time. Comeoniwannalayya received a few variations of his new Bashers name towards the end!!! Parrot lost the ‘ducks club’ boat race, so had to do another pint … Parrot lived up to his name and was vocal on most points… the newlywed Mrs. Parrot was a witness to these events and it seemed to dawn on her that the honeymoon period was over (.
At this point I just wanted to say great effort and thank you to Smoky (aka, Christina / Mrs. Cranky) and Mrs. Parrot for their support on the day … apologies we didn’t give you a better game to watch!

The rest is all a bit of a blur … some points of defense was raised:
If we bring in a ringer … make sure he doesn’t spend the whole weekend staying with Mouse
If the pies were on time, we could have been more prepared
We were jinxed by Sinbad’s obscene and extraordinary wechat spam (Parrot’s key argument).
Truffles should not drink rum and coke at 6.45am in the Camel (… that was my personal afterthought)

Fines continued on the bus, whereupon slight carnage ensued … especially when we ran out of beer. The fines master closed the 6 hour session after a few more in the Camel (as per pic below). The day will not be forgotten for many reasons and will be a point of discussion for a long time to come. I am sure that for each member of the “25ers team”, in the long term, it will make us both better people and improved cricketers!

Truffles
5th August 2014