Leisure Lumberjack September 15th

On a hot Sunday, later than usual, or so I’m told, the Bashers met at the Camel to take on the Dulwich Knights at Shanghai Rugby Club. As the day unfolded a clear theme developed to the extent that this lumberjack will be known as the ‘you’ve embarrassed yourself lumberjack’. At the end we will have a full account of who embarrassed themselves and how much.

The leisure met in the Camel and watched the boxing whilst we waited for the chifu to arrive. Then we waited…….. and then we waited some more. Well done Chifu you embarrassed yourself by not turning up. Several phone calls later and after a period of general confusion the Bashers made their way to Shanghai Rugby Club by taxi. In the taxi I asked Birdshit how he got his Bashers name expecting a hilarious story and was appauled to hear how uninteresting it was. Well done Birdshit you embarrassed yourself.

Due to the confusion the Leisure arrived behind schedule so a quick warm up took place followed by Birdshit refusing to do the toss whilst Latex took so long to walk from the taxi to the pitch. Well done Birdshit you embarrassed yourself again. I think Latex deserves one for the embarrassment count too.

I’m not sure who won the toss but we ended taking to the field in a sizeable heat. Any over confidence that ensued about two women playing for the Dulwich team was soon to be quashed by the fact that they were pretty good. More on that later.

Woodstock took the new cherry but despite some good deliveries Dulwich got off to a good start taking 10 from the over. Pigou Pigu (that’s me) opened up as well but could not turn the tide of runs. Woodstocks second over……..well lets just say you embarrassed yourself.

In the fourth over Pigou Pigu finally made a breakthrough dismissing the opening bat for 22 runs lbw. However, the batsmen didn’t show the grace and dignity expected from the spirit of cricket, stood his ground and pissed and moaned claiming he had hit it. He even asked us to retract our appeal. What a joker. Its fair to say he embarrassed himself.

With a large open field Dulwich kept up the pressure scoring a steady 8 runs an over until Satchel came on and took a wicket in his second over causing the stumps to splay everywhere. Omega plied his trade at the other end putting the Dulwich batsmen under a bit more pressure but the run rate still remained high. They finished with figures of 1-14 and 0-20 respectively.

Latex put in a fine display behind the stumps but not in the traditional sense since he used his gloves less than a Chinese doctor. Some fancy footwork prevented many byes but when one finally hit the gloves Latex went up like Adam Gilchrist on speed. Shame it missed the bat by a good foot. Well done Latex. You embarrassed yourself.

A dogged display by the Leisure but Dulwich managed to muster a competitive 158 runs from their 20 overs.

After a quick drink Dulwich took to the field……. but then they came back because they realised they lacked the quintessential piece of equipment required for a game of cricket……. a ball. The Dulwich captain forgot to bring one along which led to an argument about which ball to lose. Its fair to the say the Dulwich captain thoroughly embarrassed himself.

Omega and Scooby opened up for the leisure and after a reasonable start from the first few balls Omega popped one up in the air and was comfortably caught by one of the women on the Dulwich team. Sorry Omega, you were caught by a girl. You embarrassed yourself.

Quick wickets fell with Scooby and Spanner falling in quick succession with Scooby being caught by the same woman. Sorry Scooby but the precedent has been set. You got caught by a girl. You embarrassed yourself.

This left Pigou Pigu and Hollywood at the crease. What ensued for the next over was without doubt the most embarrassing event of the whole day. The other female Dulwich player came pounding in and put Pigou to the sword. She beat the bat not once, not twice but 5 times in succession. It’s fair to say I (Pigou Pigu) embarrssed myself……….. 5 times. This of course was not helped by a somewhat merry Tubby yelling abuse from the boundary. Tubby….. you embarrassed yourself.

After that the Leisure batsmen began to settle with Hollywood in particular taking the attack to the Dulwich bowlers scoring a quick fire 28. The Dulwich batsmen who had decided his opinion was more important than the umpires in the first innings came on to bowl. A decent delivery to the attacking Hollywood had him caught behind, somewhat dubiously. In another show of exceptional sportsmanship from the Dulwich player he told Hollywood he should have walked. Of course Hollywood didn’t stoop to his level…… apart from calling him a f%$king disgrace as he walked off. Well done Dulwich batsmen. You embarrassed yourself again.

With wickets falling and Pigou Pigu unable to get the ball away sufficiently the leisure fell behind the rate with only some aggressive running keeping the runs flowing although this did lead to Birdshit being run out. Pigou Pigu embarrassed himself again.

Satchel came to the crease and acquitted himself excellently but he and Pigou Pigu couldnt keep the rate up sufficiently, even with runs being taken straight to first slip. Eventually Pigou Pigu ran Satchel out and made his 50 on the same ball so both batsmen had to depart. The rest of the Bashers fell in quick succession eventually falling for 137, 22 runs short of their target.

The Chifu finally turned up with the bus and the Bashers made their way to the Camel for a fines session acting as appropriate punishment for all the embarrassing things that happened.

Final embarrassment tally

Chifu x 1

Dulwich batsmen x 2

Dulwich captain x 1

Birdshit x 2

Tubby x 1

Woodstock x 1

Latex x 2

Omega x 1

Scooby x 1

and an emphatic winner

Pigou Pigu x 6 7