Business vs Daredevils Lumberjack

Division 1 Bashers v Daredevils June 29 2014

The wetness of the plum rains over a torrential Wednesday, Thursday and Friday followed by a simple hurling down on the Saturday meant Sunday’s “dry” day would be married with sweltering, sultry and sweaty conditions that would make a Turkish prison guard think about turning on the air-conditioning. The guard and the weather coupled in cruelty with a shake of the head.

Cruelty was placed upon Paul Howard’s famous pies on the bus by the likes of the inappropriately named Fruitbox as he smashed no less than seven all meat pies through his large dial. A sober and well-fed “box” is a warrior for the working day it proved. Shagging Portugese women the night before also works seemingly.

Via Shrek’s sharp action thumb the coin fell to the Bashers’ skipper’s call the batting began for the boys in blue.

Like Sunday, Scoop from Scotland opened the batting for the leering and frothing Bashers at Thursday night drinks with seven unaccompanied young gorgeous blonde German women sitting across the way. Like his innings he started solidly but soon lost concentration and failed to score. Scoop came off the paddock saying he had “poor mind preparation”. We all stopped and wondered what that meant. He swapped the 7 singles on offer Thursday night for just 5 digitals on Sunday.

His opening partner Cassius crammed the mop into his helmet and looked quite solid for his 17 runs playing Robin to Shandy’s Batman as the caped crusader smashed his first two balls for a boundary four and the next over it for a six. It looked ominous for the Daredevils as Shandy belted them around the park to what could have been anything until he was clean bowled for a surprising 26. Numbers 1, 2 and 3 were all clean bowled that made us all think of Skipper Stats oft wise and cutting quote regarding good batsmen.

Stats who has supposedly never been bowled (why else would he keep saying it) played a smart innings righting the ship and poured 29 runs (caught) onto the scorer’s card setting up a perhaps barnstorming finish. The Bashers’ batting line up went all the way down to number 10. Leppa was inked in at 11. But the lull came and concern for the skipper. Fruitbox, A trois, Poppy and Shrek all had starts but were unable to grab the game by the knickers and wedge it up the opposition. The fruit was a good partner for Stats but lost patience. A trois seemed to be carrying an injury and was out of sorts and Shrek looking to end his 6 year run of poor form with the bat was foiled again. Poppy was looking determined when joined by the soon to be leaving China, chemist, Tiny. They have a history these two with running between wickets. When the ill-fated moment happened again Poppy left the field mumbling something like “Gee gosh that is a coincidence that has happened again” as he calmly and methodically placed his gear quietly and with care into the kit.

Crestfallen Tiny decided to resurrect the innings by finding valuable runs with the bad balls and stealing singles from the good. The ever-reliable Korean played for his team and rotated the strike to ensure the committed and inspired Englishman played the shots that would get the Bashers into a position to defend and reach for victory. The pair had taken the Bashers from possibles to probables. 232 to win for the somewhat shocked Daredevils.

Taking the field

Cassius true to his eponymous fine won the skipper’s call over Shrek requesting to field in gully by shoving his CV in with a claim to having been awarded the “Gully of the Year” in 1998 at age 16 in a non-descript junior league in an obscure town without running water in Lancashire. “Even had my picture in the local paper” he boasted. Shrek the 20-year-gully veteran accepted the credentialed award winner’s nod with grace and envy.

The last time Poppy saw his psychiatrist the doctor said, “ I think you may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder” he replied, “ I bet I’m the only person in the world who’s got it.” Such was his singlemindedness. He bowled like the whole universe depended on his cherries dismissing the lethargic and inconsequential fools standing 22 yards away. With the throwaway and petty anger of a God he launched each bullet with derision and disgust. Swearing more at his self for disbelieving the batsman still there than at the batsman’s fair and fine attempt at keeping it away from his gate. Nevertheless he had the ball bite and belt the top and middle order. God’s can be humbled and along with the mild-mannered A trois received the inaugural Bashers Nobel peace prize after a quick spat, a quicker spat back and an immediate apology.

Shandy bowled sharply without luck but it was Poppy and Fruitbox that stamped the Bashers authority. The former with two glorious wickets and the latter with some extraordinary fielding that inspired his team by a from-the-boundary run out. Those pies really kicked in. The devils were not daring and were feeble as they were bullied by Poppy and Tiny from both ends. By drinks the devils were dispirited and reeling at 6-60. The Bashers on the other hand had one eye on an early bar and the prize.

If Cassius’s gully award from 1996 was hanging on his wall by just one rusty nail at the beginning of the game, it had fallen off and smashed and been trod on causing injury by its end. His gully effort (if you call it that) didn’t lose the game for the Bashers but it is unlikely we will ever see the cocky Lancashire fellow in that position again. The local paper from the waterless town owes the Bashers an apology.

After drinks the game seemed to follow its former flow when Poppy had a hapless devil plumb. At that instant the game changed. A strange change. A subtle change. The weather threatened some as it farted and wheezed. The Bashers were still confident of victory though but the game was possessed by the devil. Not a hell-fire one but a teasing one.

With many overs left, a retired hurt batsman being one of three wickets left to get, numbers 8 and 9 for the devils decided to have a net session concentrating on defensive batting. They played with the urgency of the cleaning staff at the SCSC. You’d never seen such two happy batsmen. By contrast you’d never seen such a frustrated pack of mauling, crude and fiery Bashers in disbelief at the lack of fight in these two cheerful lads. Stats betrayed his generous and soulful nature with such vicious language that would have made my mother say “How on earth could you possibly be friends with such an oaf?”

The main bowlers at this stage of the game were Leppa and Shrek. The two veterans kept the interest of the Bashers by betting on how many wides the two old fellows would bowl in a particular over. There certainly was no excitement from the bat. Leppa pipped Shrek with 9 wides to Shrek’s 5. But in between the wides there were balls of accuracy and menace. Perhaps, just perhaps, a silly dream maybe, the batsmen had no window to attack and go for victory due to the pinpoint accuracy of the bowling. Just as they thought the opportunity presented it self the drift and spin of Leppa or the swing and cut from Shrek chased them back into their defensive corners. An interesting theory, that will no doubt be defended by the two wicketless ones.

The devils were some 40 or 50 short.

The game ended with a smelling silence but contented were the Bashers. Their efforts had won the day.

Awards

Bashers Peace Prize: A Trois and Poppy
Humble Pie: Cassius
Patron Saint of Shoemakers: Fruitbox
German of the Year: Scoop
Lying Dog: Leppa (you can’t be 50 two years running)