Pleasure v Devils Digital, July 29, 2012.

It’s not pretty when you walk into The Camel Bar and the first thing you see is 10-15 of the most unfit, hung-over, loser-looking cretins you are ever likely to see. But, enough about the Voodoo Soccer Team. To the left of them, gathered around the pool table were God’s gift to cricket, women and Shanghai bus drivers, The Bashers Pleasure and Leisure.

Once Sinbad arrived at The Camel 10 minutes after everyone else, The Pleasure took the uneventful, but positively enjoyable bus ride direct to SRFC…gone are the days when we go the long way, the wrong way or the long wrong way.

As home team, we set-up the field with Tank running out of cones 50m (55 yards Tank) from where he started, space those cones out, Tank. We won the toss and elected to make the three man Devils side field. They dawdled, procrastinated and generally wanked while the rest of their team dawdled, procrastinated and wanked as well. So, at 9:08am, or when wank time was over, they got out there. The game was right to start with the final decision on how to penalize them for being late being humbly left up to the umpire retarded mongo who doesn’t know his nuts from his guts, can’t count to 6, forgets to change ends when he himself calls over, and quote “10 ball maximum over”, “can’t be wide if it’s in-swinging down leg side”, and ask Bugs about his LBW decisions.

Now to cricket: Omega and Pothole started nicely, seeing off a couple of overs, taking the runs when they should, precision we call it. Then, Omega (5/9) wanting to get out at just the right time so he can maximize his chances of bowling, offered half a shot and got caught at mid-off. But every cloud has a silver lining, and with Genghis now going in, he had to put his shirt back on. Body like a Vodka bottle. Pothole and the Vodka Bottle put on a nice little partnership of 40 odd before Genghis (16/19) fell, how else?, LBW.

Pothole was joined by Artois, but not for long as Pothole (25/21) was bowled almost immediately. In came Swoop, and together they put on a good partnership of 75ish/odd with about 5 or 6 runs not taken cause of Swoop’s man-flu. Artois eventually fell trying to hit a 12 for a well made (31/25), only 63 less than last game, what a loser :).

Before Swoop could lose his breakfast, he lost is wicket (47/45) LBW to what Korean, at the bowler’s end, could only describe in an official letter to the SCC as a decision made by a retarded mongo. Sinbad joined Korean at the crease, for a nice cameo partnership before Korean (11/16) was bowled and Sinbad (23/17) was caught. Bugs made (7/7) and if the tail wagged, Artois, scoring at the time, didn’t see it.

Bashers 10/193 from 29.4 overs.

Billy (6-0-40-0) and Bugs (4-0-37-0) first overs were great, in particular Bugs, who had a tough catch dropped, a plumb LBW not given and a jaffa not finding its way to Omega (the nice version) all in three balls. A hatrick of nothing. Unfortunately, tight bowling was met with some genuine good shots, and they were off to a bit of a flyer.

Omega (6-0-43-1) came in and toiled well from the “wrong end again”, no luck. Long Dong (3-0-34-0) came in for what can only be described as an 8 wide train wreck. We’ve all had ’em!

So with no luck at drinks, our subconscious game plan of “let’s not get either one of these two out because they gotta be more tired than whoever’s coming in next” was put into practice with some extraordinary fielding. Bugs dove over one, Long Dong dropped one, Tank faceplanted one, and Genghis and Long Dong combined to look like a couple of Javelin judges just waiting for the javelin (ball) to land before they marked the landing spot.

The break-throughs finally came with Tank’s (4-1-15-1, still with 8 wides, not sure where they came from), fine spell of pitching getting the batsman to pop-fly to Swoop at short-stop. And Sinbad (6-0-21-3) a couple of LBWs, thanks retarded mongo, and another catch by Swoop, with Omega chiming in near the end to get the break-throughs.

It came down to the last over, but with the retarded mongo having not totally fallen asleep yet, the game was lost. Same old story, early chances going down, could have got ten more runs, could have conceded 10 less runs, but we are well and truly alive and it will come together.

• Sunday 29 July 2012 SRFC Far
  Bashers Pleasure 193/10 ()
  Digital Devils 197/5 (4)

Big-ups to Genghis for his donation of a bottle of vodka per Pleasure bus ride. How did ya go after Genghis: did you hit a boundary?

2012 Division Two

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Monday 30 July 2012	P	W	D	L	F	A	P
Leopards CC	10	7	0	3	1732	1552	28
Digital Devils	9	7	0	2	1736	1372	28
Bashers Pleasure	10	5	0	5	1634	1797	20
Dynamite Devils	9	4	0	5	1422	1513	16
Pudong Power	9	4	0	5	1549	1557	16
DPR Hot Dogs	9	1	0	8	1189	1471	4