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Bashers Cricket Club

10 Wicket Win, Leisure vs Daredevils – 30th July 2017

Weary, haggard faces all round at the Camel, mostly due to the age of the team;  Rash,  Spanner and Pope just not looking after themselves. Team accounted for,  Eskies full, pies available, bus adjacent, we headed out.

The bus looked like a beauty, could stash all the heavy stuff down below. However on inspection and some abuse of the driver by Omega, it turned out that this was not a possibility and us old chaps had to do the heavy lifting to get ourselves installed.

A quiet start to the morning, the pies seemingly unpopular, but beers were partaken of and Birdshit supplied sounds of the last millenium to maintain a positive atmosphere.

Talk turned to the team’s age, suggestions of certain members being already past their half century didn’t sit well, but we managed to establish the range of 36-58. We have a range, so why not find the mode and the median? Initially thought to have only one modal value of 37, Pope and Mouse, a second was later discovered of 38, Paps and Spanner. It was decided that Paps fulfilled the requirements for the median but this clearly cannot be true as there were only five people under 40 and he would need to be the sixth.  A mystery that we cannot be bothered to investigate further, so Paps it is, care us not.

One other notable conversation on the bus, ignoring the poor joke telling, was the establishment of how old the egg you came from was. Apparently, I’m no doctor, the eggs in your mother are created as a foetus in her mother’s womb making your own egg a few months older than your mum’s D.O.B. This had the Chancellor at sixes and sevens and he spent the remainder of the journey on the calculator and asking Siri how old his mum was.

SCSC arrived saving us from any more nonsense talk about age, old man toilet visits were completed and we headed out across the turf for instruction from ‘Skip for a Day’ Rash. Toss lost, fielding to be done, Skip announced the oldest member would open up with the youngest taking second use of the new cherry.  We then received the inspirational speech from Gladiator encouraging us to ‘unleash hell’ on the Devils which was soon felt to be a mistake as they are right at home in hell and very comfortable particularly in the hell we created for them, the two openers smashing the ball to all corners and giving us a good sledging.

Age to the rescue, the Chancellor forced the #1 batsman to loop one up to point, Birdy the hopeful recipient – he’s dropped it, no, he’s dropped it, no, he’s dropped it, no, he’s dropped it, no, he’s caught it!!  Showmanship at its best, hilarious antics, 1 down.

Bowling changes made, we had to wait until the 9th over for another wicket, Hardon, although more of a lazy lob than a boner this weekend, clean bowled their number 3.

A long wait now until, on the cusp of drinks, the ball swinging like a monkey in a tyre, Paps finally got reward. 3-73 at the interval. Buoyed by this success Paps insisted on bowling himself out after the break, a wise decision, taking 2 in 2 off the last balls of his spell to set up a hat-trick delivery in his first ball of next week’s game.

Time to slow it down, bring on some guile and experience, Omega and Leppa, both bowling a maiden each, Omega collecting 1, Leppa with another 3 to add to his tally, economy of 3.5 and the only player not to concede any extras all game. You can’t pay for that stuff, but I’m sure he wouldn’t turn it down.

Now for some real quality, the batsmen were calling for Stormous to step up early doors to turn his arm over. We held him back to tidy up the tail, ‘I need a slip, gully and point’ he confidently announced, we duly obliged with a heavily weighted off side field.  First ball – massive leg side wide. 14 more deliveries followed, predominantly on leg, giving Tristan, Rash and Dimitri plenty of work at cow and the surrounding environs. Good selfless Captaincy, saved a bucket load of runs.

23rd over with the Chancellor brought back to finish the job he duly did so, and we went in quite happy to chase 120 to win.

Pope will be reading this and getting angry now, yes, he took 4 catches in the mittens and a crazy stumping of a guy who was so busy watching where he’d thrown his bat on missing the ball that he forgot to step back in his crease. Great work, ‘keeping school has a graduate.

To slog or not to slog? That is one question.  The beauty of cricket is that there is no one right way to play, it takes all sorts and many methods to achieve a result. Whatever works for you works for the team. Opening this innings were two players of massively contrasting techniques, one playing for the long game, the other for the crowd, both for the glory of the Bashers. However it was the Dowdy Scratcher who creamed a four off the first ball of the innings to put two fingers up at the naysayers in the hutch. It was to be his only boundary of the day as he saw sense and resumed his stoic work in supporting the other man. Bring on Spanner, after being protected from the Devils’ number 1 in the first over by Fisty,  Spanner set about dismantling their attack in sprightly form, smashing 3 sixes and 6 fours in a 22 ball 51. His face was a picture of fear after every shot as he was convinced he’d put it down the throat of a Devil every time. Fantastic knock, a pleasure to watch from the non-strikers end. Partnership of 73, Fisty still there on 10, the Skipper down to his underpants to watch.

Pope’s turn, tough act to follow, but after taking a look, helped himself to 4 fours and a six on his way to 28 and the 10 wicket victory was completed before the drinks interval. He also secured Fisty’s second 50 partnership of the day, who carried his bat for the entire 47 minutes of the innings.

Job well done, contributions from all, time for a shower, beer and fines,  although some of the guys decided that a game of sixes would suit them as they hadn’t had a bat and it wasn’t hot enough already. Looneys.

Some controversy brewed post match, Rash, abetted by the Chancellor, attempted a captaincy coup only for Rash to be told he was a ‘milding’ captain by the Chunky Ranga. Tampon responded to Rash, saying  that he would ‘purge him’ should he attempt to push this through. No time for revolution now chaps, one more point and it’s into the play-offs for Leisure. Come On!

Post Script: Chodders and Windy, you’re rubbish, we need Fluffers with commitment.

F. Cymbals Esq.

The match as remembered by the Lumberjack

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