April 15th, Leisure Vs Daredevils

It started as any good Basher Double Header should, full of anticipation and desire to win. After an early scare the leisure were missing a treasure and what was left were a few rough diamonds hoping to shine. But replacements were quickly sorted, and all arrived at Cages raring to go. In typical Basheresque style and organisational prowess, vehicles were arranged for both teams to go their separate ways. Pleasure making full use of the 30+ seater coach, filled to the brim with all four Pleasure players; the full complement of the Leisure Eleven, squeezed snuggly into their mini podmobile, where the seats were tighter than Cliff Richard’s pants during his police raid and the soundwaves helping us feel like we were going on an actual summer holiday.

We arrived fairly quickly, dead animal and cheese pies were consumed by some on the way, others just injected the cholesterol straight into the arteries. Our ever-wise captain opted to lose the toss, but won the mind-games and managed to trick them into fielding first. He is a canny one! Fisty and Parrot padded up as Tampon wisely decided against his earlier threat to open with Messi. (More on that later). Fisty began in the way he best knows how, the execution his dreams are made of – dot ball, dot ball, dot ball, dot ball, dot ball, dot ball, if only this could go on forever? But no, then his other instincts kicked in and he was off, running a three and showing his lightning speed between the stumps. Parrot also let loose with a sweet boundary and we were well set. The problem was, the bowling from the filthy dirty devils was, how can you put it? Erratic. Lots of wides, no balls, full tosses and more pies than were consumed on the bus. There were runs for the taking, unfortunately this unpredictability ruffled Parrot’s feathers and he was out from a full toss. This bowling style pretty much summed up the whole blind superhero’s approach, 5 balls served up as a bowling buffet and one decent delivery to cause a problem or two.

Omega then headed in and a nice partnership was building. Both hitting fours, Omega consecutively so. Things were looking very good for us, Fisty hit one skyward, only for the fielder to try and catch with paws for hands. Safe! With all these runs available, Omega was feeling comfortable, we crossed the 50 mark and was then extremely disappointed to make a call to run and then not make it at all, the bat went flying in disgust. In came the Chod and good things really started to happen, as well as some more questionable decision making between the stumps. Benchod played a very tidy game, knocking around the whole field with some excellent placement. He then stayed on 46, waiting patiently to ensure he could retire with honour and make the board. However, this honour came at a price, the price of both cherry losing virgins sandwiched around some Windy batting magic, which ended on an edge of the bat and caught behind. The bread in this sex fest, Scuba Steve hitting a few singles and a fair few dot balls. Too many for Benchod, that sister is mine, to hang around for, so he duly helped him on his way. Run out and a feeling of the bends for Scuba Steve. Up steps our second and even more wet behind the ears, what on earth is this game? How did I get here? I’m not bitter I’m G. Lemoine. The warm up must have helped because he struck the ball sweetly and chopped it away for 2 runs. He even ran in the right direction as well. After a couple of tips about not stepping too far out of his crease and then standing there waiting to be stumped, he corrected his position and form. Unfortunately for him, Benchod was up to his old tricks and ran him out as well. Lucky Pierre was not so lucky in this case and after finally understanding he was actually out and why, he slowly, very slowly left the field of play.

The tail end was in and Fake News was next to field and managed to stay there to the end, finishing not out 13. Fake news was so determined to stay on the field to the end, that even after Messi came to the field to replace the retiring Benchod, having a conversation about how we needed to pick up the runs and to get a move on, decided instead to play the role of a tree and take root behind the crease, rather than take the quick but easy single that Messi was calling for. To be fair, after Messi had made it to the other end and started a conversation about this decision, he could have turned about face and ran  back to save his wicket (effectively two runs if you think about it) not all cricketers were on the same page it would seem. Fruitbox replaced a very unhappy Messi, who went and plotted the ways in which to get his revenge. Fruity stayed out till the death, swinging at every gift ball, hoping for a shui ball, but only getting a swish most of the time. With all the extras, but not the 80, Omega was hoping for, we ended on a respectable 161 – 7

One positive team talk later, some extra guidance for our French friend and onto the theatre of dreams we went. Fruit box opened the bowling with some difficult to hit peaches. Unfortunately, there was no reward for his efforts, but there was definitely some difficult questions being asked by our red haired grocer. He was supported by the media mogul himself, desperate to make this his own story. Like all good Fake News stories, you have to hide the Lies within the Truth. And so it went, Fake News told his stories, sending wayward deliveries and confusing the tales. The traps were set, with a run up of more than the I.Q. of Trump and the speed of delivery quicker than the decision to bomb Syria, Fake News struck, bowled out the opener. Finishing on 1 -19.

Tampon decided it was time to use his wings and fly in a different direction. Up came Benchod and Windy. Benchod starting particularly strong and keeping their run rate down to the absolute minimum and a maiden first over. Windy showed great support and prowess and the batsmen were left wishing we bowled like they did. Instead the tornado did not take long to wind up to full strength and clean bowled the adveturous belezebub. Not to be outdone, two overs later Benchod had his very economical bowling get its just reward and bowled out the other opener. Windy ending 1 -16 and Benchod 1-4 both bowling 3 overs each.

The next devil playing with fire in the field, could really strike the ball cleanly and with great technique. Carefully dispatching the ball in full windmill fashion. This quality was not reciprocated by his fellow tail wagglers. Messi was up next and his revenge was about to feel like a heavenly redemption. The neat batsmen tidied up a reasonable first ball with ease, the next he could not get the measure of. A couple of balls later against one hell’s minions, Messi gives him a teaser, the ball is in the air towards the back-peddling Messi, negotiating stumps between his legs and almost getting buggered, before taking the caught and bowled from the edge of his rim. After the break, Omega loosened his arm and joined the attack. Messi was not done yet and despite a couple of wayward balls, which just added to the drama and Parrot not getting the decision on one stumping, did not give up the second chance, from wild ball from Messi. Omega then got in on the action and the devilish K’s were in a full armageddin outta here retreat. Omega taking two wickets in his second over. Bowled and a catch respectively.

The next over was straight from Lionel’s dream cabinet. It was silky smooth and curved an arc through the air which deceived the batsmen in every way imaginable. He couldn’t hit it, he couldn’t get his pads in the way as lbw was a guarantee and it darted swiftly between his legs and on to the stumps. It was without doubt Messi’s finest hour, even though the Catalan namesake’s final whistle had not yet blown. Omega then selfishly took another wicket, caught and bowled, nicely done! Ending his account on 3 -20. Messi, given another over, unleashed his final piece of revenge, knowing that the best way to alleviate his pain, was to sacrifice the evil diety. Second ball of the over and the ball was in the air, caught between two Cymbals I believe. The Devils all out for 101. Beautiful! It may not be my last game for the Bashers, but if it was, it would be a worthy one. Messi finishing on 4 – 25.

The game was over, but the celebrations were long and intense. New Bashers Scuba Steve and Chopper were named. However, Chopper has since been cut down and Lucky Pierre is his worthy replacement. Showing a good natural understanding of positioning and moving across the field, sending the ball quickly back to the stumps. Scuba Steve also making a positive contribution and settling in quickly to the Leisure way of life. All in all a fine and wonderful day, one which I know will not be forgotten (by me at least).