Pleasure V Pudong, April 29th

The Bashers that awoke on the fine Sunday morning of the 29^th April could be categorised into three groups. The first were the keen, fresh and alert Bashers who spent the previous day meditating and resting up before this important fixture against Pudong. The second group were blurry of eyes and sore of head following an evening of revelry at Parrot’s leaving do chez Cages. The third, and perhaps most alarming, subset of Bashers, were the zombie-like cricketers who arrived for the game in person, if not in spirit following a very heavy (and unsuccessful) tour in Suzhou and the Former President’s party. More details to follow in the tour’s Lumberjack.

The first task for the Bashers was to prepare the ground at Wellington. The boundary rope had somehow found itself wrapped around a tree in a manner resembling the Gordian Knot of Ancient Phrygia. Players from both sides were unsure how to solve this riddle. But with the Bashers selecting seam bowler and professional mathematician Square Root, hope was there that he may finally find a practical usage for his academic knot-solving knowledge. Much like Alexander The Great, Rooty found the solution to the knot and in no time, the game was ready to start.

Square Root sorts out the boundary rope

Bambi, I presume, lost the toss and Pleasure were sent onto the very dewy field. Swoop (5-33-0) and Tucker (4-23-0) opened up in an economical fashion, obviously following in the example of The Chancellor. Pudong were circumspect with the bat and with good fielding, Pleasure didn’t let them get away. There were chances being created too, Swoop dropping a sharp catch down low off his own bowling and Bhenchod getting a fingertip to the ball at backward point off Tucker, but the Pudong batsman were tougher to remove than a limpet upon a rock. Just before drinks however, Pleasure got their rewards with Square Root’s (5-23-1) swing bowling taking the edge of the Pudong opener and The Ambassador taking a smart catch at first slip.

After drinks, the Pudong opener started to accelerate with some pleasing on the eye shots. Wickets were coming at the other end though. Skiddy (6-45-2) deceiving the number 3 with a wonderful piece of flighted leg spin and clean bowling him. Paps (4-35-1), recovering from his split face against The Daredevils, bowled with newfound venom from something beginning to resemble a run up and crashed the timbers to leave Pudong 3 down. Rather ominously for Pleasure though, their opener was still there and unfurling some more attacking play.

They say that Revenge is a dish best served cold. But for Bhenchod, revenge came via a direct hit runout of Pudong’s number 5. Following on from his verbal attack on the poor defenseless boy in the Business game earlier in the season. By this time, The Pudong opener had reached a well-deserved hundred which the Bashers appreciated with a warm round of applause. The Bashers once again embodying the Spirit of Cricket. The innings came to end when former teammate Giraffe (6-48-1) sent down a well-aimed Yorker which castled the stumps of the centurion. The batsman departing for 111 and another victim of Vice Admiral Lord Nelson, smasher of the French and all-round able seaman.

Lord Nelson, honorary Basher

The 30 overs ended with Skiddy again deceiving the advancing Pudong batsman and Swiper completing the stumping with some neat glovework. They ended up on 210-6. A good but chaseable score.

With mid-innings beers/throw-downs/ablutions completed, Fisty Cymbals (13 off 20) and Swoop (8 off 12) strode to wicket in what was anticipated to be the most attacking opening partnership since Gilchrist & Hayden. The crowd (Tampon, Sensation and Sensation’s friend) were expectant. Swoop started his innings with a commanding cover drive for 4 but soon after was giving the Pudong mid-off catching practice and was back in the hutch.

News travels fast in Shanghai’s cricket circle and Pudong were eager to exploit President Paps’ (7 off 10) weak spot – his face. Himself and Fisty faced plenty of short balls with the latter getting hit on the body. Being the ‘ard man that he is, Fisty shrugged his shoulders said, “didn’t feel it mate” in a voice (get it?!) a couple of octaves lower than his usual patter. Must have been some tour, eh? Stoically they played but both ended up in the pavilion. Pleasure were now in a spot of bother, 3 down for 35.

Tricky times call for cautious play but skipper Bambi (6 off 14) probably went too far, taking the better part of a decade to get off the mark. He eventually did with a bludgeoned six but did little more. A strange innings and probably caused by the lingering effects of Suzhou. Swiper (45 off 49) and The Ambassador (22 off 31) put together a very useful partnership, both stroking the ball with great skill.

With Swiper’s quick hands and the Diplomat’s power, the total was now climbing and Pleasure were in with a chance, but that is when betrayal struck. Much like Judas Iscariot in The Garden of Gethsemane, the Bashers had been betrayed by one of their own – Juice. The Pleasure stalwart of last year had switched to the dark side, crossing The Haungpu River and rejoining Pudong. To rub salt into our collective wounds, he had Ambassador caught out and a potentially match winning partnership was ended.

Juice takes the wicket of Ambassador

A classic Bashers collapse there followed as Pleasure tried to up the run rate. Bhenchod (0 off 2) was caught short trying to clear the Wellington ground. Swiper was then runout and unfortunate to miss out on a deserved fifty. Square Root (2 off 8) saw his furniture rearranged and hope of a Pleasure victory had faded.

There was enough time at the end for Skiddy (28* off 18) to have some fun despite Tucker’s (4* off 2) best efforts to run him out. As the game wound down and Skiddy was showcasing his full range of shots, temperatures begun to rise in the Pudong team over the issue of how serious to take the game. Upon the 30 overs finishing, Bashers ending 148-7 and 63 runs short, two opposition players began to scream and shout at each other, physically refrained as they tried to land upper cuts and haymakers. Captain Bambi looked on bemused as he attempted to lead handshakes with the in-fighting opposition. With this done, a few attempts were made in “The Fisty Cymbals All-Run Four Challenge” by Sensation (14.3), Swiper (14.9), Bhenchod (14.3) and one by the Bladerunner himself Ambassador (16.6) – not bad for a non-able bodied athlete and Pleasure headed onto the bus for some refreshment at Cages.

We may not have won the game, but at least we lived up to one of the Club’s mottos – “everybody love everybody”.