Xiamen – Summer of 6s9

The day starts well with a cracking breakfast. Some treacherous Basher Ks were apparently eating breakfast with Racist Rory from Nanjing, so Bambi and Pussy sent him packing and sat down next to Paps and Rooty for an all-you-can-eat session. Oh yes.

The all-you-can-eat was cut short because some bellend from Xiamen thought an 8am bus to the ground was a good idea, so we hopped on the bus to join Mouse, Hardon and newcomer BBC, who’d just spent the night together and were struggling to walk, and Skiddy.

The bus journey started with disaster, far worse than a fatal crash could ever have been.

No. Cake.

Allegedly loosest team of the tournament Nanjing Disco Kunts had one job. One job. The day was ruined already for everyone apart from two turnips from Suzhou who decided to stay sober.

Rock up at the ground circa 9pm and the boozing ensues. Pimms and beer to boot and a cheeky barbecue on hand for those who didn’t get their fill at breakfast (or the cheap bastards at other teams who stayed in crappy hotels with no breakfast). The first Basher team up to play was the Chengdu Bashers, consisting of Bamboo Harry, Oscar Wilde, Mouse, Paps, maybe Rooty and some fella called Simon from Xiamen. I think they were against Xiamen.

Paps and Mouse got the tournament off to an incredible start, slaying boundaries in all directions and letting everyone know the Bashers mean business. Bamboo, the Chengdu player skippering the CD Bashers, had a stand-out performance by going out for a golden duck – good effort mate (he might have actually got out first ball of the game and then Mouse/Paps went in to join the other, I don’t remember – and this was only 9am ish).

I don’t really know how well they bowled but I know they won. Bamboo was a bit rapid and terrified the opposition whilst Paps bowled his ‘right arm chinaman’ and made an all-round tit of himself.

Next up was the true, 100% authentic Bashers against Nanjing. The Bashers went in first with skipper Bambi intelligently putting himself in at number 2 to size up the bowlers whilst whoever he opened with got out pretty quickly. Bambi knocked a few boundaries and put on about 20, with other batsmen , apart from Skiddy (also approx. 20) contributing very little. BBC got a knock but nobody had told him about the game format – however his test-style performance was a superb demonstration of classic strokeplay, BBC clearly knows how to use his wrists.

The next Basher game was the derby – CD Bashers vs 100% Bashers. 100% batted first with a somewhat dubious batting performance and not enough runs put on the board (I think Rooty scored a few?). When CD took to the crease, Bambi’s aggressive bowling kept Mouse and Paps to a low score early on. Follow up bowling from Pussy, BBC and Skiddy had the game swaying in the favour of the SH Bashers at the last over. The ball is handed to Hardon, an alleged touring veteran who was being granted the chance to cement his place in Xiamen history. And cement he did. Six. Six. Six. Paps destroys the old horny bugger in an over that went for 20-odd and cost us the game.

Next is CD Suzhou? I don’t recall it. I just remember Mr Serious from Suzhou dropping a catch and extending his run up to about 8 paces

The next game for SH Bashers was against Xiamen, who sacked off the coin toss to let the Bashers bat first. Openers Rooty and Bambi took the innings without losing a wicket, scoring an impressive 70-odd in which Bambi swashbuckled a 50 and lost no less than 2 balls.

I don’t know who bowled against Xiamen but I recall Pussy begging to bowl at the chick playing for the Xiamen team. Xiamen amassed an impressive not many to lose the game to SH.

Current standings

SH Bashers, P3, W2

CD Bashers, P3, W3

Despite their undefeated status, CD Bashers were next up against Nanjing and somehow still needed to battle for a finals spot. At this point, there was tension not only on the field, but also in my gut. I can’t really comment on how the game went as I was trying to politely explain to the barbecue staff why I needed so many tissues.

SH Bashers then faced off Suzhou in another epic finals battle. Bambi’s ‘see off the sober twats’ team-talk to anybody lucky enough to bat alongside him became somewhat hypocritical when he hit the coach of China’s ladies U7s national squad for 22 off the first 4 balls of his over.