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Bashers Cricket Club

Nanjing Form Guide and Auction Results

Players for the Nanjing Rural Sixes 2017 were auctioned off last night to the two captains with a five million Basher bucks salary cap.

These are the results

Tuck Shop Pie Chuckers

Ripper $50,000
Pussy $250,000
Fruitbox $800,000
Birdshit $300,000
Bhenchod Captain
Shit Shoes $100,000
Paps $1,000,000
Parrot $2,500,000

Kakadu Bashers

Matador $100,000
Tampon $1,100,000
Messi $400,000
Omega $800,000
Captain Darling Captain
Skid Row $270,000
Bambi $2,000,000

Form Guide

The Circus “I’ll smoke that fool’s a**” Memorial Award Contenders

Parrot – Club president and Nanjing veteran so expect him to stay well. His recent employment status has led to excessive training in the build-up, although he hasn’t yet adopted training on a park bench with Two Oceans in a paper bag. His frame points to a man able to take plenty of liquid on board which will be key to sustaining a serious challenge. 25/2

Bambi – Club captain, and vocal in promoting his own level of looseness. His past form is very strong following a good showing in The Philippines, so those backing him will be hoping someone brings some rum. No question that his geisha has edged ahead on the looseness stakes, as his form of late has been disappointing following rumours of being “in the doghouse”, and this lead to him being pulled up before the last in some races this season. Will be looking to improve. 20/1

Paps – Pulled up lame in the early part of the season, and the vets have warned him not to run. This advice was ignored during a recent showing at SRFC, which disappointed. Talk has been strong but punters will want results at Nanjing, and in particular, will be hoping he arrives with plenty of flasks of his own good brew of “Tea” 25/1

Skid Row – Appears to be coming into his prime after a solid record as a junior. Lacks stamina over a long evening, but always expect a memorable show. Will act as the early pacemaker for many, until his superhero alter-ego with the Bashers flag cape and back-to-front 1990s cap styles appears. Ice is sure to fly in the post-tournament fines session (if any is supplied). 20/1

Shit Shoes – Clearly likes the course after a good running at Nanjing last year, although his team did make the final so there must be shadows cast about his personal levels of looseness. However, his Suzhou “Tea” performance was so loose that he was dropped due to “player welfare concerns”. Should be there or there abouts again. 8/1

Windy Captain Darling – Will be participating in his maiden tour but has schooled very well at home across varying ground. Probably the pick of the maidens with an impressive capacity for ale and debauchery, if he can make it to the team bus in the morning. Otherwise, he may not be sighted until the next Thursday drinks. 11/1

Bhenchod – Another newcomer. Has performed solidly thus far but there are nagging doubts if he can take the step up in trip into the big leagues. Has a penchant for tea but not this kind. If there are early fallers he may be there at the end. 50/1

Omega – Comes into this tournament with a glittering CV of looseness across different grounds. Age may put some off but experience is vital at Nanjing and Omega has plenty of that. The geishas still fondly remember his cake-induced poetical text messages of the course in ‘15. Hopefully, he’ll stay clear of the fries this year. 28/1

Birdshit – Another runner with plenty of experience, having been on the circuit since the very formation of the Bashers. While others will be more flashy in their looseness, Birdshit always get the job done, even if it means 7am martinis on the High Speed Train up.  14/1

Tucker (Serious Simon) – His clipboard of seriousness in Suzhou resulted in a massive loss of face for the Bashers, and so there are rightly questions as to his ability to run this course. Some say more suited to a Book Club than a Cricket Club. He certainly has a point to prove. 150/1

Messi – The dark horse of the event with lots of smart money moving on to Messi. Past performances in Europe point to a history of excellence in looseness. Asian ground is different, but he has impressed since making the move East. He may be hampered without his trainer Miyagi to mix his drinks. 14/1

Fruitbox – Looks a fine prospect with plenty of talent and results to back it up. In horse racing circles they say “never back a grey”, the same could be said of redheads. He has sparkled in training and on the course throughout his career. His preference for all-night training may result in early fatigue, but if he remains awake he will be the early favourite.  7/2

Pussy – Those mischievous eyes points to many a debauched evening, and this runner needs no introduction. There will be lots of money on this runner but there is always the nagging doubt though that his looseness may be distracted if there are any mares present. If there aren’t, he’ll certainly find some somewhere, somehow. He is perhaps unlucky in his alternate nickname “Two Piece of Cake C***”, as it does not reflect his own high standards. Should be a promising sire. 8/1

Tampon – A consistent runner, who has done well at all Leisure trainings this season. He will not be hampered on this course by any violent outbursts from his geisha and training partner, nor will he need to worry about England losing any rugby union matches this weekend. The public certainly have their eye on this contender, and many are expecting this to be his opportunity to win as he reaches his prime. 12/1

Long DongSCRATCHED. Approaching  his twilight years but has always put in a good job at this meeting. Unfortunately, his great love of the cake has routinely led him to collapse into slumber as early as mid-morning, even missing the winner’s team photo in 2014. There are rumours in the press box that L.D. may be a late drop out, but we are offering Non Runner No Bet so could be worth a flutter. 100/1

Matador – Another fresh maiden who has schooled well in brief flashes. He’s certainly not here to make up the numbers and will look to perform strongly at his first tour. 50/1

Ripper – Comes into this tour with an air of mystery. Not much is known about this maiden but looks to have all the natural qualities to thrive in looseness but there are worries that this tournament has come a year or two early. 75/1

Event Guide

Please find attached a lovely guide to the weekend’s goings on

Rural 6s Programme ’17

Hands Up! Short attention span cricket Road Trip!

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