Leisure v Dulwich Knights, Sunday 14th June 2015

If I was Shakespeare then this Lumberjack would be creative, elegent and worth reading, however, I’m not, so if you don’t like it then write it yourself next time.

The morning began with an overcast sky and excitement as fellow Bashers arrived early and eager. So much so Hardon enthusiastically loaded as much grog as he could muster, knowing the thirst quenching Bashers were in for a long hard slog with the Championship leaders: The Dulwich Knights. Our Captain Sharapova made her own way, which allowed for the team to engage in some pre-drinks on the Bus, and to congratulate Messi for his last official outing with the Bashers, thus drinking copius amounts as instructed by our President to end his career in style and so he did. Apart from an ice spill that could have caused serious injury to all the team we arrived safely for the upcoming battle of the giants.

Our pre-match warm up consisted of catching practice with a rugby ball encouraged by The President, however, I fear as we arrived almost 40 minutes before the game, it may have sapped our energy for this titanic battle.

Sharapova won lost the toss and the Bashers elected had to field as this was the majority vote, and thus we started the game in earnest. Sharapova lead the team out and instructed G’rilla to open the bowling. WOW, an unbelievably amazing wicket in the first over, coming from an amazing catch by Hardon and we were on our way. Wickets fell, catches were made, The Gear was incredible behind the stumps and at drinks The President took his first wicket leaving the knights on 83/4.

The next ball after drinks The President took his next wicket 83/5 were we about to witness history a Hat trick everybody closed round nervous Dulwich batsman. “No, no, no!” shouts Sharapova, “We must protect the runs and keep our positions.” The President drew all his strength, but to no avail a NO Ball, but we all encouraged him as it could still be history making itself, but alas to no avail. The Bashers up until now were on a roll, but lurking in the distance was Pizza from Dulwich, and no matter who bowled, he was knocking a 4 or 6 with applomb, and nobody could stop him and although wickets fell the last stand completely knocked all our hard work.

All Bashers worked well in the field except a few slip ups by the usually reliable Bullet, and the odd dropped catch by Hardon, so all in all we managed to bowl out the Dulwich Knights for 206. All credit to Pizza, and his lion of a last batsman, who between them scored over a 100 runs for the last stand a record that will must surely stand for many a year! Was Pizza a Div 3 player after playing 50, then wacking us all over the ground???? An investigation must surely ensue…

To the batting 206 all out was a score even our Business Team would find challenging, but not to this Leisure team. Spanner and Parrot were elected to open. What a start: powerful, majestic, and the run chase was on.

Spanner slipped up and went for an energetic 10, but Parrot was powering away along with Mouse, and put on a quite inspiring 40 before Mouse lost his wicket. Omega joined Parrot and we got to 102/2 after just 11 overs! Was the impossible possible? Drinks was taken too early as Parrot soon lost his wicket for a fantastic 43, but was caught easily and and he forlornly trudged off the field, knowing our chance of victory was slipping away quicker then it took to sink the Titanic. Wickets fell, Omega – after another strong batting display, The Gear – cheaply and Sharapova – went for a 3, and Hardon who usually is like a swashbuckling Pirate could only manage 6 and we were into a long tail. With 7 overs to go we stilled needed 50 runs. G’rilla came in along with Bullet and both made runs, but unfortunalty G’rilla went, and then came Messi for his last slog, which lasted not long at all, and so Bullet was left with our final Basher with 30 off 54 5 overs.

The President, who was one of our umpires came over “Smash the ball Bullet, be a hero”. What happened next: a few runs and few balls then as if Cranky was lurking in the back of Bullet’s mind, another run out howler! Birdshit was ready to hold the last stand like Lord Nelson, but Bullet fucked up again running like Linford Christie before Birdshit could start the run, and was at least 4m outside the crease, so the game was over and Leisure lost by 26 runs.

What a great game of cricket, every Basher played a great contribution. Omega great bowling and a solid 31, the Brave Captain who changed the bowlers around. Two people stand out: Parrot for his incredible 43, and The Gear for being the best wicketkeeper all year.

This game although lost felt like a victory, because Pizza was not a Div 3 player and the team played like true Bashers today. I was proud to be part of the team, and well done to my fellow Bashers. However, The Gear took to the fines and recorded the longest fine session in the history of the club. Why did we not win? Because we did not drink enough before the game, hahahaha!

Well done Messi – hope the finger gets better after damaging it with a fumbled fantastic catch!