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Bashers Cricket Club

Leapord can’t change its spots!

The big game of will he or won’t he.

The morning started with “will Skiddy and Bambi get on the leisure bus to support the boys and sledge the dirty doggies?” – They won’t. The after effects of Kakadu Free flow and DJ Beast combined with “alarm not going off” to be blamed. Shit excuse of the year goes to Bambi.
The next will he or won’t he stars the main attraction from Saturday night – the Bashers’ very own over excitable Juice. “Will he or won’t he be able to recover from his drunken stupor to play against the leapords?” He won’t. Juice having fallen over twice on Saturday night and needing about 5 Bashers to make sure he gets in the car was down and out for the count. He fought the rum but the rum won! It’s ok, Juice, Bashers is a lifestyle, it will take some time for the Poodong to wash out of your system.
This left pleasure needing a player, who was eligible to play in the playoffs, the night after the Bashers BBQ. Finding Skiddy a girlfriend would have been easier. Darcy and Warcry were contacted and both turned down their skipper. It’s a good thing Skiddy has a lot of practice with rejection and had got expert tips from the rejection seminar held at the camel a while ago. “Will pleasure have an XI or not?” They will! Up stepped bhenchod, answering Skiddy’s call. Fresh from spending 12 hours at the Tokyo airport and having taken a girl home and slept on the couch.
What followed was a familiar game – will tango make it to the bus? Eventually he will at a pace slower than fisty gets his runs. Swoop, Skiddy and the camel staff pulling off a massive effort getting a kit, pies and an Esky out despite the camel resembling hongqiao railway station during spring festival!
Will the bus get here or won’t it? A few calls were made and finally “not yet Mrs. Swoop” was able to sort the bus out only to go missing when the bus finally got to the camel. Eventually pleasure were in their way to the ground! Will Skiddy win the toss or won’t he? If you’re waiting for an answer you must be more naive than Pudong thinking they’d get into the playoffs ahead of the Bashers.
The Bashers took to the field followed by a quick speech from the skipper. Fluffer and pussy arguing over wanting to bowl from the same end. In the end, the fluffer beat the pussy and his pick of ends. Fluffer got the Bashers underway with some quick semi-accurate bowling. Pussy bowled an accurate quick line that the batsman just couldn’t figure out. The 3rd over of the day saw a catch go down behind the stumps with both Korean and Ambassador to blame? The same over also saw Fluffer bowl a sharp bouncer to get a faint edge that Korean snapped. Just what the Bashers captain wanted!
At the other end, pussy continued his super bowling and was unlucky not to be rewarded with a wicket. It was a display of quick accurate bowling including a bouncer right in the face of the number 12 batsman that was opening the innings. More impressively, pussy bowled his 6 overs on the trot, guess the new improved one-girl pussy is a much better cricketer.
Dad bod fluffer was replaced by swoop who promptly decided to have Skiddy go ride the boundary much to the amusement of Skiddy’s fan club – the victorious Leisure. Spurred on by the voiciferous cheering, Skiddy made some good saves and was promptly out of breath.
Swoop continued to bowl a right line and was supported by shit shoes. Shit Shoes picking up wickets… Of the ones he was landing on the pitch. There were a few wides. A few off the pitch no balls.
Skiddy bowled a good spell and was rewarded with a wicket when bhency positioned himself at short gully and then took a relatively simple catch off the left handers top edge. Leapords in a spot of bother. Skiddy continued to bowl some agonizingly slow pies that the leapords couldn’t put away and was the only bowler on the day to not get hit for a boundary.
Will the leapords fight back and put up a decent total? They won’t!
Fluffer came back on to finish his spell and got an edge off a bouncer that flew towards Skiddy at point. Skiddy charged in to the ball, confusing everyone involved. Just when it looked like the ball was going to sail over him he lept like a salmon swimming upstream and pouched the catch! Fluffer would bowl out his spell a tad unlucky to only end with 2 wickets.
Swoop was abruptly brought back to finish off his remaining two overs and took two wickets in an over.
Shoes came back and struggled  to pitch the ball again. In the process picking up another wicket.
Will the Bashers hold on to catches? You bet they will! Not wanting to be outdone by Tucker, Sir Dick, and fluffer held on to two catches a piece and did a good job of backing the bowlers. It wouldn’t be a Bashers game though if there wasn’t some lazy, and comical fielding. Particularly, the instance with pussy fielding at cover and Skiddy at point. The batsman cracked one through the covers and everyone and their dogs expected pussy to give chase. Pussy unmoved. Looks at Skiddy and points to the ball. Skiddy baffled tried to give chase but only taking a few short steps before the ball had already crossed the cone boundary.
Leapords would end with a very chaseable 122 all out.
At the innings break, one side was clearly feeling the heat and the other clearly relaxed.
Will the openers last for the first 10 over? No they won’t. Skiddy opened with swoop again and looked like he would play more sensibly. However sense and all sensibilities went out the window when he had a wild swing at a straight delivery on he stumps. Skiddy bowled early again.
Will the ambassador improve his average when batting second? ……….. Not today. Ambassador walked out at 3 and was watching the ball carefully onto the bat. And letting the wide ones go. He would then edge one onto his pads and be given out LVW! The ambassador shocked at what had just happened walked off for duck and was channeling his inner Sir Dick! A pleasure it was not!
Tango having got his not hot, not cold, not spray for his ankle was walking out to bat with swoop. Tango and swoop steadied the innings. Swoop took a few body blows as he chose to chest instead of hit the balls with the bat. Having had enough of the body blows, swoop followed his skipper in an almighty heave and was bowled as well. Notable mention to the one handed no look pirouette swat shot that swoop played off his legs. Bhency was mucho impressed.
Sir Dick fresh from his suspension, joined tango in the middle. The two put on a display of fantastic batting. Fluent stroke play and glorious timing from both batsman. However, Tango refused to run two on all but one occassion, that too because it came off his bat. Meanwhile, the bashers in the tent we’re getting eager for a shuiball, but that looked unlikely with  Tango & Sir dick in the middle. The two continued to bat well together and hit a few glorious boundaries on their way to a 50+ partnership. Sir Dick was given out lbw to one he didn’t knick and everyone had their hearts in their mouth. Will there be more equipment destroyed? No there won’t! He walked off without incident and everyone breathed easy again. Bravo Sir! Bravo!
Sir Dick’s wicket was followed by fluffer who had an interesting couple of knock downs. Laying on the grass, kids bat in hand, asking pussy to have a go at him. The ball nearly catching fluffer in the face. He then walked up to have some real throw downs and decided he was ready to treat the lads to a shuiball after only two knock downs.
Will there be shuiball action? No. The kids bat wasn’t going to hit a shuiball today. Fluffer unable to get under the couple pies he faced. Tango throwing his wicket away with only a few runs to win.
Will Bambi stay not out? You bet! Thankfully there was no repeat of the Bashers collapse vs. pudong and Bambi and fluffer would see off the remaining couple of runs with relative ease.
Bashers with the win and on to the semi final to play Digital devils!
The disappointment of no shuiball was amplified as there were no bus beers! Will the Bashers have an entire bus ride back without any beer and fines? Not on Sir Dick’s watch! Sir Dick, pussy and Skiddy making a family Mart run to get some beers to get a fines session underway. Pussy was fines master and did a shit job keeping the fines session in check.
Skiddy got what is likely to be the most number of negative captaincy fines in a game his team won!
Pleasure made it to the camel to join half of leisure they was impressively left standing! Somehow the fines session was finished and that was that!
Will pleasure make it to the finals? Stay tuned to find out!
2nd XI The match as remembered by the Lumberjack

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