• Sunday 25 September 2011 Dulwich College
  Bashers Leisure 193/8 (6.93)
  Dulwich Knights Seniors 123/5 (2.83)

Great Teamwork…….solid performances……sharp fielding……all in all splendid work on the field.

PERFORMANCES:

• SCOOBIE: 50*(no) / 5 – 1 – 15 – 1 (definitely man of the match),
• PUBERTY: 42 / 4 overs for 30ish.
• STIFFY : 20 / 3 overs for 20ish
• WOODY : A quick fire 20ish / 5 overs for 25ish (good line/length)
• DAGS : 1 – 0 – 5ish – 1 (could be better)
• LATEX: Stinger of a catch….best of the season!!
• PUSHER (Jr) : An over for a few…..better than “PAPA”
• PUSHER (Sr): Diving stops at mid off…..adding to the pressure!!
• SHIT HOES : An over….bit rusty needs practice
• SEARS : Agile behind wickets…..except few ‘blinders’

Setting a target of 193 (highest of the season)…..were able to skittle our opponents out for a mere 120!!

Dulwich Knights Seniors: Contrary to the ‘title’…..sorry not much to say. Mediocrity at its best!! No one man put up a challenge….be it batting, bowling, fielding or chirping!! Guess the Leisure spirit was too much to handle.

So lads, a nice way to bow out of the season….with a BANG!!

Adios Amigos!!

By the way……Immaculate Captaincy!!

2011 Division Three

As it was a must win game for the Pleasure, the bus trip to the ground was spent;

• talking tactics – “we’re a better team when we chase”
• bowling approach – “keep the wides to a minimum, and take our catches”
• batting strategy – “if we bat out the overs, we should be right”
• rumour mill – “the circus is back in town”

None of these things would eventually happen, and we pray the last one doesn’t either. Plus, we welcomed our new English school teacher from Kenya via Taiwan, Andy to the team. Basher #183.

So, with a full team and Bugs not having to call up anyone’s ‘one night stand’ this week, (a bit of a shame), we arrived at the ground. Everyone got into their pregame rituals and warm-ups, such as Loose downing his second Pure Blonde before 8am, the Rock being late, and the most interesting and fortuitous being Tank’s circle of the oval moving all the cones back two metres (should have settled for two yards Tank). So, to the field we ventured…

His Looseness opened the bowling from the never to be completed “nets end”. To quote the man himself, “tighter than a nun’s nasty” was what we got as ball after ball there were prods and snicks, whiffs and evasion, confusion and ultimately a wicket and very little scoring from the Leopards. And in partnership from the “smoking chimney stacks” end, Tank, bowling the antithesis of a nun’s nasty, opened his spell in true Basher’s Pleasure style, 4 wides. After he settled, and we got rid of the Leopard’s umpire for a far more neutral adjudicator, Tank did some damage physically with a couple of shorter pitched thunderbolts, one of which found the edge and skied to square leg where the reincarnation of Channa, new-boy Andy apologised before it even hit the ground. Tank tried to inflict some psychological damage as well, but then immediately proceeded to bowl 5 no-balls (off the one delivery), great chirp though!

Out with the young fellows and in with the old farts as the Omega and Bugs’ tandem (combined age surely bigger than Bradman’s average), was kicked into action just before drinks. With noises only old people can make, line and length was delivered and soon a few wickets as well, including a screamer by yet another old man (how old is this team anyway?), Pothole. With every sinew at full stretch and the ball still five metres (5 ½ yards Tank) away, Pothole could do nothing but try and hold his shape and hope that the ball would fall into his hand before he fell to the ground, and it did. Unreal!

Swoop came in to the attack and the run rate picked up. With Jekyll and Hyde meat pies being served up, the Leopards were confused enough to cough up one wicket. New-boy, Andy was given one over to show his stuff, and once again he managed to channel Channa (say that five times with Mooncake in ya mouth), and bowl at least two overs worth of deliveries in that one over. Some redemptive (never needed) fielding as he put life and limb, namely his shin, on the line to save some boundaries and overthrows.

Bugs and the Rock came in at the death and kudos to the Rock (for actually showing up) for two great overs, and a sneaky practice ball to begin with. Sly bugger!

In the end, and contrary to the rather negative report, 7 for 190 was easily gettable for a team that likes the chase.

The two newest editions to the ‘half century’ club Pothole and Pitstop opened in typical boring opening batsmen fashion, which was as required. May I mention that Pitstop had a broken wrist…and herpes. After seeing off the opening bowlers, they were both dismissed by far crappier bowlers (chucker) in relative quick succession. The run rate then began to pick up as first Omega and Rock, and then Manoj and Rock piled on the runs. 3 for 137 with 13 overs to go, no sweat!

The Rock and Manoj and Loose then spooned a couple of dollies to their fielders which were taken and celebrated like cackling hyenas.

Then, at 11:52am, with very accurate piloting bowling, Swoop’s tower was hit, and before anyone really knew what was going on, at 12:08pm, the Korean’s tower was hit. We were being terrorised, and it was a Bashers’ collapse. We needed an American, and thank God we have one. Tank came to the crease with the weight of the free world on his shoulders, and showed that free world what should have been done with Zeb’s and Bip-chucker’s bowling…block it out.

Bugs and Tank brought the equation down to manageable, needing 14 from 12 deliveries. To ease the pressure, Tank played the most gloriously timed lofted on-drive that would have cleared the boundary if it was 60 centimetres (two feet Tank) closer. Who would have thunk it?

Out came Newboy Andy, welcome to the Bashers. “Can you please get 15 or so from the last ten balls? Thanks Mate!” He would have to do it from the non-striker’s end as Bugs faced up to the next delivery. I remember where I was September 11, 2001, but because I spent 6 of the next 8 hours drinking Pure Blondies and Jacks with some of the boys, on September 11, 2011, I can’t recall where I was when Bugs’ tower fell.

• Sunday 11 September 2011 SRFC Near
  Bashers Pleasure 178/10 (3.18)
  Leopards CC 190/7 (7.9)

All out for 178, 13 short. We gave it a go, and the positives outnumbered the negatives by a lot, but they seem less amusing in a lumberjack report. So ended the cricket, but the day had just begun. Bad luck to those who did not come back on the bus because you missed a beauty. We had a new basher to name.

We couldn’t call him Channa, we have one already (we miss you Channa). So, we had to do a bit of research. Andy is a school teacher who has taught in Kenya. Kenya is in Africa. Aids is from Africa. Wikipedia – “Both HIV-1 and HIV-2 are believed to have originated in West-Central Africa Kenya and to have jumped species (a process known as zoonosis Monkey Fucking) from non-human primates to humans.”

Welcome Andy Crawford, Basher #183 – Monkey Fucker!

While en route, Bugs’ concern over the fate of the missing debutant grew to panic levels. He called his mobile, only to wake a “hot sounding” girl who confessed that she didn’t know where said debutant was; he insisted that Tank send an email with last minute directions to the SRFC; he even broached the idea of Shanghaiing a local who was walking along side the bus simply because he happened to be wearing all white. Despite this missing man, the team’s arrival at SRFC was uneventful, though looking back, perhaps the team should have taken better stock of the bus and its driver while disembarking.

Bugs discussed the finer details of the match with Pudong skipper and former Basher (sell out) James Gooding and after various accommodations were made for 12th men, and with the toss won, he put Pudong into bat.

With 10 men and a Pudong stand-in, the debutant having still failed to show, Growler took the new ball and began a spell of flight and guile that tied the batsmen down with swing and pace. Bowling six overs on the trot, he was effective against Pudong’s willow wielders, claiming the opening batsman’s scalp three balls into his final over.

Partnering Growler from the Pavilion End and bringing his newfound bounce and velocity with him was Tank. While his six overs were not able to pry a wicket from the stingy Pudong batsmen, Tanks’s constant bodyline and beamers bowled in quick succession did soften the resolve of the opening bats. With 12 overs gone, Pudong were at 73 for 1.

The late-coming debutant by this time had made it to the ground, having realized halfway through his Starbucks that the game was not being played at the Dulwich pitch that he was looking at. With a full team ready for the edges and slogs that were sure to come, Omega stepped into the attack, looking to work the batsmen into playing bad shots. The change of pace slowed the Pudong attack with the only runs from his first over coming on wides. With the wind causing the ball to swing down leg, Omega was replaced after two overs at the Far Field End by Swoop, who’s bowling was not as affected by the swirling conditions.

Bugs meanwhile, had taken up the attack from Tank at the Pavilion End, and soon sent the second opener packing with a misplaced shot, ably taken by Growler at Mid On. Wickets continued to fall as Omega made up for some shoddy slips work with a screamer of a one-handed catch at Forward Point.

Having already been dropped once by Pitstop in the deep, Pudong’s big batting Aussie (of South African descent apparently) was a bit reticent to hit in to the air and was only beginning to get going when A trois took a masterly delivered ball from Swoop and knocked the bails off for the fourth wicket of the innings.

With the pavilion to his back and the wind now in his favor, Omega took up the attack again and the wickets began to tumble. Two bowled, one caught and bowled, and one stumping later – with some 6’s and 4’s sprinkled in between – Pudong reached then end of their innings 213 for 9.

Having reached higher totals on two previous occasions this year alone, and with Pothole walking confidently to the crease with last match’s 74 firmly in his mind, Pleasure was ready to assault the Pudong score. Ten balls and four runs later, he was back at the tents, a thick edge caught at Backward Point.

Any concern was quickly forgotten when Growler squared up at the crease. The feeling of concern returned with a vengeance after only five balls when Growler was also sent back to the tents, having been caught in the covers. Omega replaced him at the crease, and after being inexplicably dropped by the wicket keeper on 8, was clean bowled by James Gooding the next ball.

The weight of the Bashers attack now fell to Pitstop, who fought through some able Pudong bowling and anchored a batting side sent adrift by the fall of the top and middle order. Debutant Tantric, who’s last outing in England was a duck, hit a boundary for his first runs, then watched a cover drive taken for yet another catch by the Pudong fielders. Fellow debutant El Gringo, fresh from the Mexican cricket league, was able to add runs, but could not bring down the required run rate as the score ticked up all to slowly in the face of Pudong’s concerted bowling attack.

Pitstop’s valiant innings came to an end in the 26th over when he hit into a catch. He finished with a hard fought 55 from 81 deliveries including five 4’s. El Gringo was out to a catch having added 33 to the score, Swoop ran himself out trying to stretch a 2 after a blazing 15 off 9 balls, and A trois smashed two of the first three balls he faced over the square leg boundary as the team tried to close the gap in the finals overs. When Korean waked to the crease with one ball to come in the innings however, Pleasure was only on 167, needing 47 to win. One leg glance later, and the Bashers arrived at their final score: 168 for 7 after 30 overs.

• Sunday 4 September 2011 SRFC Near
  Pudong Power 213/9 (7.53)
  Bashers Pleasure 168/7 (3.48)

With the game lost and an afternoon to look forward to, Pleasure headed to the parking lot with thoughts of cold beers and Bashers initiations in mind. The luxurious bus that had been so appreciated on the way out was no where to be found. Parked at the end of the driveway and sans driver, the team was left waiting in the SRFC lobby as calls were placed to the Camel and The Toe. After 45 minutes of fruitless searching, the bus arrived without explanation and the decision was made to conduct the fines session on the way to the Camel. With Omega (driving) and Korean (umpiring) missing, and two debutants initiated (the aforementioned slow to come Tantric and El Gringo), the fines session proceeded through the entirety of the return trip, providing ample distraction from the dreariness of Shanghai gridlock.

Extras and dropped catches and solid Pudong bowling put Pleasure on the back foot in the chase for a large total. It was unfortunately one chase that Pleasure was not able to complete despite an all-star performance from Pitstop. The loss drops Pleasure one rank in the standings but the team is still in the hunt for the final semi-final spot.

2011 Division Two

As Sharapova smashed in to the popping crease into the wind with pace and furious grunts, no bails seemed to be falling, just the wind taking the ball for a trip down leg side (that’s my excuse too). This went one with the next bowler and the next over. The wickets took long to come and the wides for fast to go by. Had some exceptional work in the field by all players with the few bashers missed fields and dropped catches.

The first wicket tofall at 18runs by a fantastic stumping by manoj, then there was a second stumping but the third leg umpire had a bit of a 10 second cataract attack and turned down manoj’s appeal .Dagz came along straightened up his broken finger and let a few rip grabbing a wicket in doing so. Pusher turned in a few more and got another wicket for the team.

Parrot tested his arm today and threw in an over! Shit shoes came in and went onto a hat-trick! But the third wicket never came. The Hot Dogs totaled 172/7 with 48 of which was extras. Latex and Pusher opened the run chase with steady singles and a few boundaries. Latex then fell to the finger and Manoj got ready to go and geared up. As Manoj started to get on with the chase he fell for 20 trying to hit a kid out of the park. Shitshoes met Pusher out in the middle to continue with the run chase. AndPpusher started to have a go but hooked straight to the fielder standing in the fine leg position for 19.

I also tried to get things started but quickly fell to the 7th delivery I faced for a mere 1 run. After that it was Shitshoes and Sharapova’s show. Shitshoes fell for 16 and left the skipper and Sharapova to continue. With inspiration at the other end the skipper pushed on the total to 106/5 one wide after that lofted one into the sky. Now the Bashers needing a lot from a little Sharapova and Birdshit tried to bring us closer to the total to restore some sense of pride and closing the days play at 129/6.

• Sunday 28 August 2011 SRFC Near
  DPR Hot Dogs 172/8 (6.92)
  Bashers Leisure 129/6 (2.89)

Sorry about the lost next one we win!!

2011 Division Three

A quick pep talk from the Parrot and Latex and off we set to the Far field to meet the Doosra boys ready for battle.

After a pre toss of the kooka pie box coming up heads, Bugs confidently called the toss correctly and sent the Doosra boys in to bat.

A quick fielding drill in the cloudy and breezy afternoon and off to the middle for Growler and Tiny to start the innings off against a somewhat timid batting pair with magic bats. A few umpiring anomalies regarding wides and no ball rules and the Doosra were playing and missing, swinging and snicking until Tiny broke through to draw first blood.

Growler being replaced by Tank whose first over of raw pace and accuracy was followed by his second of fruit, the Bashers fielding seemed inspired with Badabing and Pitstop notable for their accurate throws and the Korean tidy behind the stumps.

Extras contributing mostly to the score, and with the wicket keeper squealing as he dodged a low flying bat (really, this DID happen), the Doosra never really got going.

At Drinks 88 runs for 2, and already feeling defeated, the Doosra were only inspired by the gains they could make through dubious umpiring decisions.

After the break Sinbad was joined by Omega who bowled cheaply, took a wicket and watched Sinbad ….drop … well we know what happened there.

After an over of 3 LBW appeals in a row and still no runs, Bugs brought Growler back into the attack and the Doosra found things very difficult.

Swoop and Bugs were injected into the attack and again kept it tight. The Doosra ended at 7 for 168 (39 extras ) on a day made for batting.

Padding up in reply Pothole and Pitstop walked out to begin the chase and from the get go Pothole seemed to middle everything, even his defensive plods raced past the infield .

Pitsop unfortunately succumbed and fell for his first bashers Duck bringing Growler to the crease.

In a Bashers version of Face Off it was Pothole doing the swinging and Growler holding up an end as the first 50 came off 6 overs and by drinks at 1 for 110 and Pothole already past his fifty.

Special mention to Sinbad for being mis heard to yell “C’mon Butthole”  which stuck and thus our stories title .

After the break the Hole kept going where he left off and 127 runs into the partnership he eventually fell at 74 , 10 fours and a mighty 6 , it was indeed Buttholes Day .

Omega joined Growler and hitting singles to give him a chance at his fifty, Growler finally missed one and walked off with a hard fought 37.

With the game won Tiny walked in, saw 2 deliveries and then mercilessly swatted the next 2 deliveries to the long hop boundary to put the Doosra out of their misery in the 23rd over.

A very well disciplined win for the Pleasure who are still in the hunt for a 3rd spot and a berth in the Semis after the Hot Dogs lost to Pudong.

• Sunday 28 August 2011 SRFC Far
  Bashers Pleasure 169/3 (7.09)
  Doosra Devils 168/7 (2.28)

2011 Division Two

Arriving at the SRFC relatively early, we had time to enjoy the SCC v Hong Kong Pirates 20/20 match… A good crowd saw a tight match, with the Pirates just missing out on bringing home the victory.

With some inspirational words from our skipper, Bugs, the bowling attack fired up for a big day. ‘Billy’ Da Silva steaming in claimed the opening Hot Dogs wicket, well caught by Pothole at deep gully. Some tight bowling continued from opening partner Growler.

The Hotdogs had luck on their side, with up to 5 close catches just not falling the Basher’s way. Shots were falling either a yard short or just lobbing over the fielders head but the Hot Dogs were contained and the runs not flowing. Growler grabbed the 2^nd breakthrough with a caught behind, 2 for 19.

Tank put on an impressive display of multi tasking during the next change of over, taking the opportunity to skull a celebratory beer from the earlier 20/20 match, good effort!

This preempted some quality bowling spells with a run of Hot Dog wickets. Tiny – 2 wickets in the same over, 2 wickets to Sinbad, 2 wickets to Tank in the same over, and 1 wicket to Bugs. A Trois did some tidy work behind the stumps taking two catches. Elsewhere on the field, the Basher’s catching woes continued but it was an all round impressive bowling performance from the Pleasure. Hot dogs all out for 113 in the 27^th over,

Pothole and Pitstop opened the Pleasure batting. Pothole’s stay in the middle was short, first out, caught behind for 3. Mrs Pothole took out chirp of the day award singing out “you’re still a winner to me” upon his return to the pavilion, very nice work.

Next up, Growler and Pitstop had a  32 run partnership  with Pitstop combining some agricultural swats with sweetly timed strokes to rack up 20 good runs before being run out, crashing into the fielder half way down the pitch  – very unlucky.

Regular wickets began to fall with Tiny, Growler and Swoop all out in quick succession, our small target beginning to look difficult at 5/45.

The pleasure batting steadied with some cool heads in Bugs and Korean. With a healthy match defining 47 run partnership before Korean was trapped LBW for 19. The total was now looking very achievable at 6/92, only 21 runs remaining. In true Pleasure style, we chose the difficult route to victory with Manoj ‘A trois’ out for a duck before skipper Bug’s, on the lookout for a quick second run, was run out.  Sinbad, who’d decided that one was enough on that occasion was left at the crease with the score at 8 for 98. Tank was next into the middle leaving a nervous Billy all padded up and waiting to go.

Sinbad and Tank took some clever singles and notched up 7 off the bat. The Hot Dogs also helped things along nicely with a very well timed series of wides and byes.

The day was closed out with a wide, the Bashers home at 8/114. Well done to the not out batsman, Sinbad and Tank.

Billy, to his relief, was denied the chance of a bat in his last Basher game for the season but it was a real pleasure having him on the team and we’ll look forward to welcoming him back next year.

A spirited fine session was led by Tank to finish up an all round great day for the Bashers.

Cheers to the families and supporters for a great showing on the day and also to Cranky for leading the naming session of two new geisha’s – Inky (Mrs Tiny) and Howler (Mrs Growler).

Bring on next week and the finals!

• Sunday 21 August 2011 SRFC Near
  DPR Hot Dogs 113/10 (2.73)
  Bashers Pleasure 114/8 (7.14)

2011 Division Two

As the captain for the day “Tank” went out for the toss with the Devils Digital captain, it was left to “Tiny” to prepare the boys with the fielding warm up session.

It was quickly established that we needed an IQ of aver 200 to even understand what we were expected to doing in the warm up, running towards each other, running away from each other, alternative running towards each other, alternative running away from each other (yes there was a ball involved which made it even more complicated)!!!

With the fielding warm up session deeply embedded in the pleasure teams minds we were coiled like a spring waiting to be unleashed.

“Tank” pulled the boys together and gave the rallying cry to “Win the Game”, cut down on the wide bowling, support the bowlers, chirp away at the batsman and “Only speak through him if you wanted to address the umpire”……..What happened to the “Good Old USA” freedom of speech!!!

“Billy” opened the bowling with a tight first over giving away only one run, then in the sixth over “Swahili” broke through the opening pair. With the batsman having smashed the ball and thinking an easy run was available, “Swoop” picked up the ball and threw a direct hit at the stumps from around 30 yards!

In the following over and with a decisive bowling change made by the captain, “Tiny” with an interesting over (dot balls, wides & 4’s), picked up the 2nd wicket of the day with assistance from “Pitstop” who looked like he was taking trials for the Chinese acrobat show as he took a tumbling backwards catch!

Pleasure boys bowling continued with “Tank” picking up two wickets including a good catch from “Swoop” and clean bowl, the Champagne moment of the “Tank” bowling was the background of thunder and lightening as he ran in to unleash a full toss at the batsman’s head!

“Long Dong” using all the tricks in his repertoire took two great wickets with some unplayable bowling, special thanks to the “Woodstock” while playing on the next pitch verbally supported each “Long Dong” over!

The game was then interrupted by a deluge of rain and wind which reduced bowling to a 25 over match, having survived the storm the game moved into a new phase as the “Swoop” was asked to take the wet and damaged cherry.

With a run out and a catch already to his name “Swoop” tore into the remaining batsman and came out with final bowling figures of 4 over’s, 11 runs, 3 wickets and no wides (I hear business team calling)!

Special mention for the dynamic fielding of “Shit Shoes” who having picked up the ball threw to the wicket keeper’s end and somehow managed to slip and the ball ended up at the bowling end, also to “Billy” for his impression of a sea lion as he slid through the water to retrieve the ball!!

With a final score of 141 for 9 wickets, Pleasure opening pair of “Pitstop” and “Pothole” walked to the middle to face the first over of the match with a run rate of 5.6 to win.

With 22 on the board “Pothole” was first to go followed quickly by “Pitstop”, a dubious LBW saw “Tiny” return to the pavilion a good knock of 21 by the “Korean” moved the score along with support from “Swoop”.

“Tank”and “Shit Shoes” contributed with 6 runs each and in the 19th over “Long Dong” came to the crease with 83 runs on the board to join the ever present “Swoop”.

Even with some good running and hitting the game was beginning to slip away as the run rate increased, after the 21st over and with 4 overs remaining, Pleasure needed 43 runs to win. The “Devils” began to celebrate the win when…

4, 2, Wide, 6, 4, 6, 2. “Swoop” destroyed the run rate taking 25 runs from the 22nd over and game on!!!!!

As panic set in the fielding side and the last over to be bowled Pleasure needed 6 runs to win, “Swoop” continued with his attack on the bowlers with 4 runs from the 1st ball then a quick single….141 on the board and game drawn!!

With 1 run needed from 4 balls “Long Dong” became tied down with accurate bowling from the Devils……last ball of the game and with 1 run needed the ball smashed into the stumps to conclude the game to a draw!

Great partnership from “Long Dong” and “Swoop” of 61 nearly snatched victory at the end of an entertaining game, good contribution from the all the Pleasure team in the fielding, bowling, batting and team spirit.

• Sunday 14 August 2011 SRFC Far
  Bashers Pleasure 141/7 (5.21)
  Devils Digital 141/9 (4.81)

For Basher’s Pleasure history the game will always be remembered as a “Swoop of a Day” with his contribution of 1 catch, 1 run out, 3 wickets and 52 runs not out!

One last mention for the bus journey back to the camel with the Leisure boys, great entertainment, drinking, swearing and the new word introduced into the Basher dictionary…CLUNGE!!

On to the “Hot Logs” Sunday and the next “Clunge” of a game…

2011 Division Two

Upon arrival to the SRFC, we found the 20min downpour which occurred earlier left the turf soaked. Kit-bitch Tubby left everyone’s water-wings behind, except his own, so it was sink or swim. Into the fray strolled ‘the Mut’, who thought he’d leave an early mark on the game by defining the boundaries as well as everyone’s bags.

Stand out performers worth a mention prior to the start ….. ‘the Mut’, Filthy felt more at home with the Leisure and Sir Dick’s imitation of Dipso slip catching prowess. Dismal display springs to mind! Was this a sign of some technical batting to come from the specialist 5th drop pinch hitter? The team quickly saw him to the slip cordon and gave the log of wood to the ‘El Capi-tain. Agghhh….and then ’Sir Dick’ was given the nod to take the team warm-up…. and was accordingly fined later. Enough said.

‘El Capi-tain Dipso’ won the toss…. and elected to field on the soggy SRFC carpet which was a questionable decision at the time, but then again it was Pudong he was putting in to bat.

Cranky led the boys from his members end, firing down some absolute crackers with the wind behind his tail leaving the Pudong openers only able to score runs by taking big top edges over the safe hands of the business choir consisting of, John ‘sticky fingers’ Leper and Mike ‘the mouth’ Tubby and Tim ‘I got the legs’ Tiny. Dazzler opened at the clubroom end into, at times, what seemed to be a shifting stiff breeze. Unsure of which way to hold the ball, he struggled to stop it from moving both ways. Of course this carefully planned tactic not only had the batters confused but also members of the choir and the ‘Cranky-man’ himself, who was caught chatting to the umpire and not catching the ball. This of course ruined the Dazzlers figures which went from promising at times to custard.

‘It wasn’t long’ before Cranky’s decision to bowl from ‘his members end’ paid dividends when one of his rockets ‘shot off’ the edge of Bernie’s wood into the safe presidential mittens of Stats. Pudong 1 for 11 off 3.

Papas took over from Cranky’s ‘member’s end’ after 4 and kept the batsman tied down with some swinging, bouncing deliveries (Tubby talk), and in just his second, some clever bowling saw a dolly sent down Sir Dick’s throat at long-on for an easy catch. Pudong’s second batsman sent back to the shed – 2 for 32 off 11. This bought David Boyle to the crease for his first bat of the season.

Dazzler bowled out his 8 overs straight, so it was a good time to bring some absolute Filth. The change had immediate effect when Pudong boiled over sending a screamer straight to Dazzler at point. Another was sent packing and Dazzler was off to the clubrooms to ice his fingers in the drinks bucket. Ménage à trois was called onto the paddock to fill the empty spot. Unbeknown to the team à trois had been severely punished at the Leisure’s fine session and 5-6 draughts later he was fielding for the big boys…. clearly steady on his feet. Leper left his ‘mut’ in the rafters while he sent an assortment of chocolates down for what might be his finest bowling spell ever, 1 for 32 off 8.

Making a long fielding story short….stand out performances… the ‘El President’ behind the sticks, taking 3 catches and one superb diving catch, in-full-flight to his right, in front of second slip off the Filthy-man. The Filthy man took 4 for 35 off his 8, along with a making a simple catch look simply outstanding. Paps, Cranky and Leper chimed in with 2 scalps each. So Pudong were all out for 146 off 37 overs. A solid performance from the lads and an achievable target to chase with the bat.

‘El Capi-tain Dipso’ and the ‘Filthy-man’ led the boys out to the middle scoring dot balls at will, with wides leading the scoring in the first few overs. The Filth-man looked safe taking 20mins to consolidate a solid 4 singles off 15 balls before edging a nice catch to 1st slip. This bought Dazzler to the middle where he proceeded to tease the slips by edging a few swinging deliveries to vacant 3rd slip before middling his usual straight drives back over the bowlers head for a few fours. At the same time ‘El Capi-tain’ was feeling lonely and decided to find the middle of his bat, striking some nice half valleys off his legs to the boundary. Soon after Dazzler was caught on the pads for the 4th time this season and sent packing for 24 of 33 – a 53 run partnership with the El Capi-tain was at an end. The ‘Presi-don-tae Stats’ was next to the crease and it was just 7 balls before he dispersed the only 4 bouncers bowled at him in spectacular style to the boundary, however he was soon on his way, bowled for a quick fire 17 of 29.

This bought a Business choir member to the crease – ‘Tubby Tenor’ who continued his hard hitting form from recent weeks smashing a mighty 6 over mid-wicket and some nice boundaries mixed in the fray. Unfortunately his promising hitting was short lived as he was caught at square leg for 17 of just 9 balls. ‘El-Capi-tain’ was next joined by Sir Dick, who was already warmed up from his slip catching debacle earlier during the day. He too made short work of settling in before his bat was cracking the ball to the boundary. ‘Sir Dick’ and ‘El- Capi-tain’ made short work of the remaining 30 odd runs guiding the ship to port in 31 overs. This was helped along by the 32 extras bowled by the opposition.

Highlight of the Business batting was ‘El Capi-tain’ batting for two and half hours with some sensibly slow scoring, but did what was required of an opener to see the boys across the line. Thanks goes to the Korean and Tiny for joining the lads after starting with the Pleasure earlier and consistent scoring of the batting by Dave.

A win to the Business by 6 wickets. Well-deserved lads! Long may it continue!

• Sunday 14 August 2011 SRFC Near
  Pudong Power 146/10 (2.26)
  Bashers Business 147/4 (7.47)

2011 Division One

We arrived at the beautifully manicured SRFC to find the only shade was next to the lawnmower that Woodstock looked very at home upon.  Sharapova arrived at the ground with friend in a delightful zebra dress and Woodstock had no hesitation in giving her his pants and she assumed her position at fine leg. This leading the leisure squad to believe that for the first time in Shanghai cricket history 2 ladies represented in a competitive game.

Despite the onset of thunderstorms off the Basher’s went to bowl. What a start it was! Off the 2^nd ball of the day, 1^st legal delivery, Sharapova snuck one through the defense of last games half-century maker and knocked the off stump over. Clungealicious was the word that everyone was thinking to themselves as they ran in to congratulate Sharapova donning the multi coloured bandanna.  From there in the Basher’s settled into a happy stint of mediocrity with the runs being contained by some very tight bowling from all involved.

Then the heavens opened up in what can only be described as a turning point in the game. As the Basher’s huddled under the green keepers shed with Woodstock comfortably on the lawnmower again thoughts turned to an early finish as we watched the puddles grow around us on the ground and kept an eye on the electrical box with the wires hanging out.

Not to be outdone by a tropical storm and puddles on the ground Latex headed to the pitch for a quick inspection and game on was declared. The Basher’s headed back out on the field excited by the prospect of getting back amongst it. It didn’t take long for the change in conditions to take effect as the Pudong batsman played a beautiful cover drive. Heading off for an easy 3 the ball stopped stone cold dead in a puddle where Puberty picked it up and waltzed to the stumps to execute a beautiful run out. Mouse came on in what can be described as a beautiful spell picking up a couple of quick wickets through guile and deception. The thought of Launceston kept the energy up as he sucked in the last bit of clean air that he would have for a while before heading back to less pristine environments.

All in all a solid Bashers performance with the ball. Pudong 5 for 129 from the rain shortened 20 allotted overs. Spirits were quite high as the Basher’s turned around and headed out for the chase.

Dags and Stiffy were sent out to set about the chase. Dags being an upstanding gentleman decide to allow his stumps to be knocked over on Pudong’s first legal delivery of the day. Puberty then joined Stiffy at the crease. Interesting sentence the last one. Both went about resurrecting the innings with the outfield helping to turn 4’s into singles.

What can only be described as a vicious attack on Puberty the loud crack of the ball hitting his head could be heard around the ground.  The skipper ran immediately out to the centre of the pitch to help his fallen teammate with a towel. Go figure?  Eventually however Puberty made his own way to his feet and battled on. It soon transpired that the knock had had some effect on Puberty’s cognitive prowess as he point blank ran out Stiffy showing him the hand as Puberty was not running.

The next couple of wickets fell quickly with Puberty still dazed and confused letting one hit the stumps and Mouse falling just short to be run out. The running game not being Mouse’s natural one.

A Trois and Sharapova then headed up a fine partnership leaving Scoobie standing at square leg for the remaining 8 overs.  It was a Herculean effort from the 2 Bashers as they ran and ran and ran. A Trois was definitely feeling it and decided to unleash in the final couple of overs with a superlatively timed 4 through the marshland of the SRFC and then a massive 6 on the final ball of the day.

Basher’s fell agonizingly close to the total falling  around 15 runs short, all ran with the exception of the aforementioned lusty blows from A Trois.  A Trois and Sharapovea both finished not out on 39 and 20 respectively.

With Pleasure sticking to their allotted overs having no pressure of the game following them the fines session was held at the club with much Gusto from everyone that was involved. New words were added to Basher’s vernacular and they were used in every sentence for the rest of the day.  Please see Latex for further information and helpful links.

Apparently we all got the bus back to the Camel.