Its time to don your blazers and represent the Bashers at a great events hosted by our amazing charity partners Roots and Shoots.

For those of you who are new to the club please take 5 minutes out and visit their site here to see the great things they are doing here in Shanghai and all over China.

Gala Dinner

On October 21st, Friday from 7pm till late, the greater Shanghai Marriott group is hosting a charity gala dinner benefiting Shanghai Roots & Shoots Million Tree Project at the newly-opened Marriott City Centre Hotel.

The Bashers have a table booked and there are 6 spots still open on that. It would be great to get enough people signed up to need a second table so get involved. This is one of the best Gala evenings in Shanghai. So don’t miss out!

Please put you name below with the word Gala next to it if you want to take a ticket and I will get in contact to confirm.

Please lets really make an effort for these 2 events, Tori and the team at Roots and Shoots do so much good work the Bashers need to show there support.

Dulwich Knights vs Leisure
When: Sun, September 25, 9:00am – 12:15pm
Where: Dulwich

Pleasure vs Devils Digital
When: Sun, September 25, 9:00am – 1:30pm
Where: SRFC Far

Business vs Daredevils CC
When: Sun, September 25, 12:15pm – 5:45pm
Where: Dulwich

With all 3 teams heading into the final weekend of the Bashers season next week we need to go out with a bit of a bang and that doesn’t mean a trip to Manhattans (well maybe).

BASHERS PUB CRAWL

The long awaited Bashers pub crawl will stumble into action on the evening of Friday 23rd.

Meeting at The Camel between 7-8pm we will take in some of the finer establishments around the area. The route is a mystery, but trust me it will be varied and include a couple of inter team challenges along the way. Get to the Camel, get some food in, throw up later and get wasted!

Would really be great to see all 3 teams out getting involved with this one, so commit below.

As it was a must win game for the Pleasure, the bus trip to the ground was spent;

• talking tactics – “we’re a better team when we chase”
• bowling approach – “keep the wides to a minimum, and take our catches”
• batting strategy – “if we bat out the overs, we should be right”
• rumour mill – “the circus is back in town”

None of these things would eventually happen, and we pray the last one doesn’t either. Plus, we welcomed our new English school teacher from Kenya via Taiwan, Andy to the team. Basher #183.

So, with a full team and Bugs not having to call up anyone’s ‘one night stand’ this week, (a bit of a shame), we arrived at the ground. Everyone got into their pregame rituals and warm-ups, such as Loose downing his second Pure Blonde before 8am, the Rock being late, and the most interesting and fortuitous being Tank’s circle of the oval moving all the cones back two metres (should have settled for two yards Tank). So, to the field we ventured…

His Looseness opened the bowling from the never to be completed “nets end”. To quote the man himself, “tighter than a nun’s nasty” was what we got as ball after ball there were prods and snicks, whiffs and evasion, confusion and ultimately a wicket and very little scoring from the Leopards. And in partnership from the “smoking chimney stacks” end, Tank, bowling the antithesis of a nun’s nasty, opened his spell in true Basher’s Pleasure style, 4 wides. After he settled, and we got rid of the Leopard’s umpire for a far more neutral adjudicator, Tank did some damage physically with a couple of shorter pitched thunderbolts, one of which found the edge and skied to square leg where the reincarnation of Channa, new-boy Andy apologised before it even hit the ground. Tank tried to inflict some psychological damage as well, but then immediately proceeded to bowl 5 no-balls (off the one delivery), great chirp though!

Out with the young fellows and in with the old farts as the Omega and Bugs’ tandem (combined age surely bigger than Bradman’s average), was kicked into action just before drinks. With noises only old people can make, line and length was delivered and soon a few wickets as well, including a screamer by yet another old man (how old is this team anyway?), Pothole. With every sinew at full stretch and the ball still five metres (5 ½ yards Tank) away, Pothole could do nothing but try and hold his shape and hope that the ball would fall into his hand before he fell to the ground, and it did. Unreal!

Swoop came in to the attack and the run rate picked up. With Jekyll and Hyde meat pies being served up, the Leopards were confused enough to cough up one wicket. New-boy, Andy was given one over to show his stuff, and once again he managed to channel Channa (say that five times with Mooncake in ya mouth), and bowl at least two overs worth of deliveries in that one over. Some redemptive (never needed) fielding as he put life and limb, namely his shin, on the line to save some boundaries and overthrows.

Bugs and the Rock came in at the death and kudos to the Rock (for actually showing up) for two great overs, and a sneaky practice ball to begin with. Sly bugger!

In the end, and contrary to the rather negative report, 7 for 190 was easily gettable for a team that likes the chase.

The two newest editions to the ‘half century’ club Pothole and Pitstop opened in typical boring opening batsmen fashion, which was as required. May I mention that Pitstop had a broken wrist…and herpes. After seeing off the opening bowlers, they were both dismissed by far crappier bowlers (chucker) in relative quick succession. The run rate then began to pick up as first Omega and Rock, and then Manoj and Rock piled on the runs. 3 for 137 with 13 overs to go, no sweat!

The Rock and Manoj and Loose then spooned a couple of dollies to their fielders which were taken and celebrated like cackling hyenas.

Then, at 11:52am, with very accurate piloting bowling, Swoop’s tower was hit, and before anyone really knew what was going on, at 12:08pm, the Korean’s tower was hit. We were being terrorised, and it was a Bashers’ collapse. We needed an American, and thank God we have one. Tank came to the crease with the weight of the free world on his shoulders, and showed that free world what should have been done with Zeb’s and Bip-chucker’s bowling…block it out.

Bugs and Tank brought the equation down to manageable, needing 14 from 12 deliveries. To ease the pressure, Tank played the most gloriously timed lofted on-drive that would have cleared the boundary if it was 60 centimetres (two feet Tank) closer. Who would have thunk it?

Out came Newboy Andy, welcome to the Bashers. “Can you please get 15 or so from the last ten balls? Thanks Mate!” He would have to do it from the non-striker’s end as Bugs faced up to the next delivery. I remember where I was September 11, 2001, but because I spent 6 of the next 8 hours drinking Pure Blondies and Jacks with some of the boys, on September 11, 2011, I can’t recall where I was when Bugs’ tower fell.

• Sunday 11 September 2011 SRFC Near
  Bashers Pleasure 178/10 (3.18)
  Leopards CC 190/7 (7.9)

All out for 178, 13 short. We gave it a go, and the positives outnumbered the negatives by a lot, but they seem less amusing in a lumberjack report. So ended the cricket, but the day had just begun. Bad luck to those who did not come back on the bus because you missed a beauty. We had a new basher to name.

We couldn’t call him Channa, we have one already (we miss you Channa). So, we had to do a bit of research. Andy is a school teacher who has taught in Kenya. Kenya is in Africa. Aids is from Africa. Wikipedia – “Both HIV-1 and HIV-2 are believed to have originated in West-Central Africa Kenya and to have jumped species (a process known as zoonosis Monkey Fucking) from non-human primates to humans.”

Welcome Andy Crawford, Basher #183 – Monkey Fucker!

While en route, Bugs’ concern over the fate of the missing debutant grew to panic levels. He called his mobile, only to wake a “hot sounding” girl who confessed that she didn’t know where said debutant was; he insisted that Tank send an email with last minute directions to the SRFC; he even broached the idea of Shanghaiing a local who was walking along side the bus simply because he happened to be wearing all white. Despite this missing man, the team’s arrival at SRFC was uneventful, though looking back, perhaps the team should have taken better stock of the bus and its driver while disembarking.

Bugs discussed the finer details of the match with Pudong skipper and former Basher (sell out) James Gooding and after various accommodations were made for 12th men, and with the toss won, he put Pudong into bat.

With 10 men and a Pudong stand-in, the debutant having still failed to show, Growler took the new ball and began a spell of flight and guile that tied the batsmen down with swing and pace. Bowling six overs on the trot, he was effective against Pudong’s willow wielders, claiming the opening batsman’s scalp three balls into his final over.

Partnering Growler from the Pavilion End and bringing his newfound bounce and velocity with him was Tank. While his six overs were not able to pry a wicket from the stingy Pudong batsmen, Tanks’s constant bodyline and beamers bowled in quick succession did soften the resolve of the opening bats. With 12 overs gone, Pudong were at 73 for 1.

The late-coming debutant by this time had made it to the ground, having realized halfway through his Starbucks that the game was not being played at the Dulwich pitch that he was looking at. With a full team ready for the edges and slogs that were sure to come, Omega stepped into the attack, looking to work the batsmen into playing bad shots. The change of pace slowed the Pudong attack with the only runs from his first over coming on wides. With the wind causing the ball to swing down leg, Omega was replaced after two overs at the Far Field End by Swoop, who’s bowling was not as affected by the swirling conditions.

Bugs meanwhile, had taken up the attack from Tank at the Pavilion End, and soon sent the second opener packing with a misplaced shot, ably taken by Growler at Mid On. Wickets continued to fall as Omega made up for some shoddy slips work with a screamer of a one-handed catch at Forward Point.

Having already been dropped once by Pitstop in the deep, Pudong’s big batting Aussie (of South African descent apparently) was a bit reticent to hit in to the air and was only beginning to get going when A trois took a masterly delivered ball from Swoop and knocked the bails off for the fourth wicket of the innings.

With the pavilion to his back and the wind now in his favor, Omega took up the attack again and the wickets began to tumble. Two bowled, one caught and bowled, and one stumping later – with some 6’s and 4’s sprinkled in between – Pudong reached then end of their innings 213 for 9.

Having reached higher totals on two previous occasions this year alone, and with Pothole walking confidently to the crease with last match’s 74 firmly in his mind, Pleasure was ready to assault the Pudong score. Ten balls and four runs later, he was back at the tents, a thick edge caught at Backward Point.

Any concern was quickly forgotten when Growler squared up at the crease. The feeling of concern returned with a vengeance after only five balls when Growler was also sent back to the tents, having been caught in the covers. Omega replaced him at the crease, and after being inexplicably dropped by the wicket keeper on 8, was clean bowled by James Gooding the next ball.

The weight of the Bashers attack now fell to Pitstop, who fought through some able Pudong bowling and anchored a batting side sent adrift by the fall of the top and middle order. Debutant Tantric, who’s last outing in England was a duck, hit a boundary for his first runs, then watched a cover drive taken for yet another catch by the Pudong fielders. Fellow debutant El Gringo, fresh from the Mexican cricket league, was able to add runs, but could not bring down the required run rate as the score ticked up all to slowly in the face of Pudong’s concerted bowling attack.

Pitstop’s valiant innings came to an end in the 26th over when he hit into a catch. He finished with a hard fought 55 from 81 deliveries including five 4’s. El Gringo was out to a catch having added 33 to the score, Swoop ran himself out trying to stretch a 2 after a blazing 15 off 9 balls, and A trois smashed two of the first three balls he faced over the square leg boundary as the team tried to close the gap in the finals overs. When Korean waked to the crease with one ball to come in the innings however, Pleasure was only on 167, needing 47 to win. One leg glance later, and the Bashers arrived at their final score: 168 for 7 after 30 overs.

• Sunday 4 September 2011 SRFC Near
  Pudong Power 213/9 (7.53)
  Bashers Pleasure 168/7 (3.48)

With the game lost and an afternoon to look forward to, Pleasure headed to the parking lot with thoughts of cold beers and Bashers initiations in mind. The luxurious bus that had been so appreciated on the way out was no where to be found. Parked at the end of the driveway and sans driver, the team was left waiting in the SRFC lobby as calls were placed to the Camel and The Toe. After 45 minutes of fruitless searching, the bus arrived without explanation and the decision was made to conduct the fines session on the way to the Camel. With Omega (driving) and Korean (umpiring) missing, and two debutants initiated (the aforementioned slow to come Tantric and El Gringo), the fines session proceeded through the entirety of the return trip, providing ample distraction from the dreariness of Shanghai gridlock.

Extras and dropped catches and solid Pudong bowling put Pleasure on the back foot in the chase for a large total. It was unfortunately one chase that Pleasure was not able to complete despite an all-star performance from Pitstop. The loss drops Pleasure one rank in the standings but the team is still in the hunt for the final semi-final spot.

2011 Division Two

Pleasure vs Leopards CC
When: Sun, September 11, 8:00am – 12:30pm
Where: SRFC Near

Business vs Bashers Hot Dogs
When: Sun, September 11, 12:15pm – 5:45pm
Where: Dulwich

A quick pep talk from the Parrot and Latex and off we set to the Far field to meet the Doosra boys ready for battle.

After a pre toss of the kooka pie box coming up heads, Bugs confidently called the toss correctly and sent the Doosra boys in to bat.

A quick fielding drill in the cloudy and breezy afternoon and off to the middle for Growler and Tiny to start the innings off against a somewhat timid batting pair with magic bats. A few umpiring anomalies regarding wides and no ball rules and the Doosra were playing and missing, swinging and snicking until Tiny broke through to draw first blood.

Growler being replaced by Tank whose first over of raw pace and accuracy was followed by his second of fruit, the Bashers fielding seemed inspired with Badabing and Pitstop notable for their accurate throws and the Korean tidy behind the stumps.

Extras contributing mostly to the score, and with the wicket keeper squealing as he dodged a low flying bat (really, this DID happen), the Doosra never really got going.

At Drinks 88 runs for 2, and already feeling defeated, the Doosra were only inspired by the gains they could make through dubious umpiring decisions.

After the break Sinbad was joined by Omega who bowled cheaply, took a wicket and watched Sinbad ….drop … well we know what happened there.

After an over of 3 LBW appeals in a row and still no runs, Bugs brought Growler back into the attack and the Doosra found things very difficult.

Swoop and Bugs were injected into the attack and again kept it tight. The Doosra ended at 7 for 168 (39 extras ) on a day made for batting.

Padding up in reply Pothole and Pitstop walked out to begin the chase and from the get go Pothole seemed to middle everything, even his defensive plods raced past the infield .

Pitsop unfortunately succumbed and fell for his first bashers Duck bringing Growler to the crease.

In a Bashers version of Face Off it was Pothole doing the swinging and Growler holding up an end as the first 50 came off 6 overs and by drinks at 1 for 110 and Pothole already past his fifty.

Special mention to Sinbad for being mis heard to yell “C’mon Butthole”  which stuck and thus our stories title .

After the break the Hole kept going where he left off and 127 runs into the partnership he eventually fell at 74 , 10 fours and a mighty 6 , it was indeed Buttholes Day .

Omega joined Growler and hitting singles to give him a chance at his fifty, Growler finally missed one and walked off with a hard fought 37.

With the game won Tiny walked in, saw 2 deliveries and then mercilessly swatted the next 2 deliveries to the long hop boundary to put the Doosra out of their misery in the 23rd over.

A very well disciplined win for the Pleasure who are still in the hunt for a 3rd spot and a berth in the Semis after the Hot Dogs lost to Pudong.

• Sunday 28 August 2011 SRFC Far
  Bashers Pleasure 169/3 (7.09)
  Doosra Devils 168/7 (2.28)

2011 Division Two