A rag tag bunch of bashers gathered at Wellington for an 8am friendly match against the Hot Dogs. With the match not a league game, there were no pies and no bus so the Bashers started to arrive in dribs and drabs. With around 14 Bashers keen to play, captain for the day Messi had declared on the match wechat that the batting order would be decided by whoever got to the ground first. According to this formula the batting order would’ve been Bambi, Messi then Tucker. This was soon scrapped.
Not sure if there was a toss or not but the Bashers were in the field first. Although the sun was shining, out on expanse of the Wellington pitch, the wind was biting and causing the ball to move in the air. Of the opening bowlers, Sensation was dressed more like he was off to climb the Eiger while Giraffe was wearing two coats, one of which he took off to bowl. Sensation started off bowling his usual tight lines, Giraffe bowled five wides in the first over but improved in his second. Giraffe’s main contribution was dropping 3 catches in the first 10 overs, with hands like that and having bowled more wides in his first over than the entire last season at Pudong, it seems his transformation is complete. Sensation took a wicket during his spell before Long Dong and Fake news came on.
The Hot Dog’s were not scoring quickly as their wickets fell at regular intervals. The bowling was being rotated frequently along with fielders. Pretty much everyone had a bowl including new Basher Judy, who saw the light and came to the Bashers from Pudong after observing the social side of the Bashers the week before during the Business match against Pudong.
Highlight of the bowling innings beside Bambi keeping wicket and managing to miss hitting the stumps with ball in hand to gain a run out was Tampon getting a wicket. Those who were there will remember it as the moment they witnessed the birth of a new English all rounder in the mould of Botham, Flintoff and Stokes only the bowling being a bit slower, maybe more like Moeen Ali but without a beard. The wicket was the result of a trap expertly set, much in the style of the canniest of leg spin bowlers, I wanna say Warney but maybe that’s pushing it…fuck I’ll say it, it was literally like watching Shane Warne bowl, obviously I didn’t see it coz I was bowling but I reckon that’s what someone would’ve said if they were watching it.
The first ball was a no ball on height but everyone was in agreement that was a harsh call. The next two balls were legitimate, probing the batsmen’s off stump. Then the trap was set, the next 3 balls (or was it 4?) didn’t pitch on the wicket. Much hilarity was enjoyed by the Hot Dog’s umpire and the batsman at the non-striker’s end who asked ‘what drugs were you taking last night?’ Unfortunately for you pal, last night I was sober as a judge. But then came the sting. A beautifully flighted ball that seemed to drift towards leg, the spinning ball cutting a wormhole of torment through the air before pitching and jagging back towards the top of off stump which it would have undoubtedly hit if it had not been for the batsman somehow managing to get some wood on it and chopping onto the stumps. With mission accomplished, Tampon continued to be unable to hit the pitch and was put out of his misery by the umpire. I can only imagine the acute embarrassment suffered by the first person to suffer the ignominy of being b Tampon.
A man in a gown
The Hot Dogs reached about 140 and into open the batting for the Bashers was Judy and Tampon, the Hot Dogs opening with a spinner and a fast bowler. The Bashers got off to a good start, Judy dispatching the opening spinner for 4 before Tampon joined in on the action hitting him for 6 when he decided to come round the wicket. Bad Hot Dog, back in your kennel. Tampon holed out going for another 6, bringing Tucker in, who was batting fluently but got out for 12. This was the cue for Judy to step up the pace and in a blink of an eye he was at 50 and retiring after facing 26 balls. Next was Skiddy who came and tonked the ball around and got a 6 which he celebrated like it was his first ever 6. Bambi came in later and also hit several downwind 6’s followed by Pope, Paps and Tango. Most people getting a bat and retiring to let the next man in. We chased down the total with about 8 overs to spare but as this was a friendly we kept on going to play the full allotment of overs and get some valuable time in the middle. Sensation got in for an over at the end and hit a 6 off his first ball meaning the Basher’s ended with 229 off 24 overs. Maybe a record? Certainly a cracking result for skipper for the day Messi.
New Basher Judy was christened, his name being a tenuous connection via Sarah Connor off Terminator 2 Judgment Day and Judge Judy. He laid down a challenge for potential new Basher’s by finishing a whole beer via the box, good work Sir.
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Judy 'finishing' his beer is a bit of a stretch but otherwise a grandioso piece of literature.
Good work warney! My place in the team as a leggie is under threat!
Perhaps the longest yet vaguest description of a single delivery for at least two weeks
is it me or the kid in the gown looks taller
Taller than what? A meerkat?
nice write up Tampon . I can see it happening with my eyes closed . Not sure about taller . Looks like Dickie Knee !