Yes I am returning and I wish for all the usual pomp and ceremony.ie name calling, immature toilet humour,urinating on each other (the inquisition),toasts for no reason other than to stand up and poor memories.

I am in town from the 17th to the 23rd and look forward to playing a game on the 23rd…captains please put me into a pleasure team if there is a place. Looking forward to checking out the new digs at the “Toe”.

Happy Bashers Day and don’t forget to have someone christened or ordained as it was sanctioned officially by the “Pope”.

Ps for older Bashers I am heading to South Africa next week and will be staying with Chook Aikman in Joburg if anyone would like to leave a message to be passed on.

What happened to Bashers Broadcast??

Love and kisses No 1, Terror, Shrek

Ex Obscurum Cometus Lux Lucis

Congrats on leading the team to the final.A momentus occasion in itself and just one step to glory.

As a founding father and number 1 I have a duty to send a message to the boys so please send the message on.Of course I played in the very first game this season!

Bashers

You have achieved what no Bashers team in its long chequered history has achieved by reaching the final and now you stand ready to devour the crown.  And devour it you shall.

We are Shanghai’s most famous club, the fairest of clubs, the hardest working club and we have had members flocking through the doors of the Bamboo for years looking for men of their equal in spirit and desire.Without doubt we are Shanghai’s proudest club.No other club has as many of its original members still playing, still watching, still supporting the teams and the club as the mighty Bashers.All members then and since have been welcomed with open arms, supported, derided, punched at, fallen down drunk with, watched in horror as team mates have fallen downstairs, broken wrists, broken hearts, been tossed in some of Shanghai’s finest establishments, and true our spirits they will continue to support the Bashers as players and supporters til the hole in the ground swallows them whole with Bashers colours.Perhaps I am getting a little excited but who with a heart and blood would not be!!

The club has fought long and hard for 6 years against willful enemies and the current team is its best crop.This is the light coming out of the darkness.

K2? Fuck them.They are wannabes and we are heart and soul.

Fight hard and fight strong and be drunken fools on Sunday night!

To seek, to strive and never to yield.

Devour!!

Number 1

Under new skipper Ian Syer and vice captains Steve Aikman, James Gooding and 2015 skipper apprentice Ed Molony, all of the Bashers turned out early for a net session that displayed their vigour and worth.

The Hot Dogs were slow on arrival and many of the usual faces from last year were working, traveling or injured. The bun had arrived without the sausage. However there had obviously been heavy recruiting done in the off season and the innocent faces of new dogs “Pups” showed up in numbers and took instructions from resident dog, Mike Tsesmelis, who was carrying an injury that has yet to be diagnosed. The Bashers, ever mindful of a wounded dog were keen to start the season (albeit a scratch match) with a victory against the team that had caused so much pain and anguish to them the previous year.

Bashers’ Skip, Compass Syer, conveyed to his team that if he won the toss he would send the Dogs into bat and allow the Bashers to bask in the comfort of the high sun on the field. It was no surprise at all to the Bashers when he returned to say he HAD won the toss and elected to BAT. Such is the confidence that the Bashers have in their new captain they all suspected method in the madness.

Terror Turner and Jonty Finocchiaro were the first offerings to the depleted Dogs (complimented with two Bashers, one with a hundred years experience in the formidable shape of Paul Howard and the 15 minute experience of Norm’s mate Zac who proceeded to have an outstanding 20 minutes on the field for the “Pups”).

The openers put on 36 before Jonty Finoch decided to put reason aside and attempt to heave Tavis over the mid wicket boundary only to find his castle crumbled. Turner compiled a quick 31 before being caught on the boundary by fellow Basher, Paul Howard. Chook Aikman, true to form, threatened with the bat only to stand his ground when Umpire Hodgson a la “The Assassin” gave him leg before. It took the calmness and gentlemanly behaviour of captain in waiting Molony to see Aikman leave without recourse.

Scott Brown, greeted with full tosses to get his eye in and James Gooding steadied the ship for a period giving hope that the Bashers were heading towards a score of respectability. Umesh was brought on to bowl and the state of the game changed dramatically.  The aforementioned pair were dismissed having starts and despite glimmers of hope from Lucas, Norm, Cain and a selfless skipper coming in last, Umesh( 5-14) ripped through the Bashers managing just 116 runs leaving Hodgson to deliberate what could have been, stranded on a very promising 1.

Despite their absent stars, the opposition were like greyhounds at the slip, keen to maul the petty Bashers total. However, like rabbits in the lights the dogs opened with two ol’ mongrels in the shape of McIlroy (run out by the nimble and slight Finoch) and followed hard upon by Cameron(bowled) , the dogs were licking their wounds at 2wkts for 4. However with Tavis playing in purebred fashion this youngish dog muzzled his way through the Bashers’ bowlers stealing juicy bones that placed them in a winning position.

Cometh the hour cometh the man.

Skip Compass threw the ball to Gooding and the game would change forever. Gooding, with his heavily pregnant wife (Twee) on the sidelines spurred her man on in the just his first ball to have the stubborn Pathak bowled.

An appeal for lbw (turned down) ensued and the madness began.

 Gooding in his next delivery finally convinced Umpire Sanjay that the ball was to hit the stumps and Levy without levy was gone. Howard arrived and was snarled at by angry Bashers as they crowded in around their teammate’s bat the ball after, and either through poor technique or benevolence to his real team his stumps were crashed through. A delay due to Gooding’s wrecking meant the Dogs’ had no one padded. With the Bashers keen to see one of their founding sons breakthrough with his maiden hat trick, finally the anti-Basher arrived in person. Mike Tsesmelis whose very name mentioned sees Bashers bring out their MT voo doo dolls arrived in usual style. Impervious to the bating banter, serious in stature the anti-basher took guard as the Bashers’ sniffed Mike’s demise. Gooding fueled with adrenalin let it go wide and the hat trick gone. The next ball with the Bashers still in a hair’s breadth of the waiting willow saw Gooding bowl a ball just short of a length that made AB go back and played the ball directly downward with the inertia heading toward the stumps. A futile attempt to kick the ball away allowed the ball to follow its true path and crashed into the stumps sending the Bashers into a spasm that hadn’t been seen since last Thursday evening at Malone’s.

With just the dogged Tavis and the final tail the end looked near. Tavis was caught trying to slam the dogs home with a Gooding chest mark and the rest was a dog’s breakfast. Bashers by 38.

Beware the wounded dog!!!

Paul Turner